Leadership Skills Comic Strips - Page 17

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246 Results for Leadership Skills

View 161 - 170 results for leadership skills comic strips. Discover the best "Leadership Skills" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #aspect manager, #morale, #effective, #genius, #change of leadership

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The Boss: "I've been named the aspect manager of moral. Effective today, you no longer report to me." Yippeeee! Woo hooo! Yes! CEO: "How did you improve the morale so quickly?" The Boss: "I'm a genius?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #take training, #mismanagement skills, #awed, #send wally

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Dilbert: I desperately need to take this training. The Boss: we can't spare you. Send wally and have him tell you what he learned. Dilbert: Im awed by the sheer artistry of your mismanagement skills. The Boss: Thank you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #make changes, #skills database, #know as guy, #avoid work, #too much work

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Tina: "Wally, can you show me how to make changes to the skills database?" Wally: "I can't risk being known as the guy who knows how to edit the database." Tina: "Because?" Wally: "I barely have time to avoid the work I already have."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #network design, #local trees, #social skills

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Man; "I was an engineer before I got into marketing, so I have a few suggestions for your network design." man: "Get rid of this 'Cisco' doohickey, whatever it is, and put it in a catapult made from local trees." Dilbert: "Has it been awhile?" Man: "At least I have good social skills now, you dipweed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lose language skill, #using words, #wrong context, #adopt them, #truculent, #doctrinaire, #obelisk, #cervically

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"I'm trying to make him lose his language skills." "I've been using words in the wrong context and waiting for him to adopt them." "Carol, could you truculent this doctrinaire to the obelisk?" "Cervically."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #homemaking skills, #marry a man, #garbageman, #present value cash flow, #comparison, #trained monkeys, #monkey surplus, #bobby upset

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Alice is walking outside, she approaches The Garbageman and asks, "Would it be wrong to marry a man for his homemaking skills?" The Garbageman replies, "Do a present-value cash-flow comparison of marriage versus the equivalent service from trained monkeys." Bobby is sobbing. Alice consoles him, "It's not you.. it's me... and a world wide oversupply of monkeys."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plant watering service, #less expensive one, #plastic plants

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "I fired our plant-watering service and hired a less expensive one." The Boss continues, "That's the sort of leadership that will turn this company around." Wally asks, "Were we doing well?" Dilbert says, "Our plants are plastic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #script for meeting, #script, #twice a year, #act one, #scene two, #admiration, #leadership, #employment, #deliver line, #eyes moist, #sliced onion, #morale

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The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "Here's your script for the meeting." Dilbert asks, "Script?" The Boss explains, "My boss sees me only twice a year. I want everything to go smoothly." Dilbert looks at the script and says, "In act one, scene two, when I proclaim my admiration for your leadership..." Dilbert continues, "What's my motivation?" The Boss replies, "Employment." Dilbert says, "Good, good." The Boss adds, "And it would help if your eyes were moist when you deliver the line." Dilbert points to his pocket and says, "I'll put a sliced onion in my shirt pocket." The Boss, The Boss' boss, and Dilbert are meeting. The Boss' boss says to Dilbert, "Hello, underling, how is your morale?" Dilbert is sobbing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #leave work early, #don't walk past, #office of boss, #just from roof, #land in dumpster, #leadership, #cut throat

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our VP is mad because people are leaving work too early." The Boss turns to Alice and says, "If you need to leave early, don't walk past his office. Go to the roof and leap into the 'dumpster' in the alley." The VP sits smugly in his office and thinks, "Leadership triumphs again." Alice can be seen through the window behind him jumping off the roof into the dumpster.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #compost, #coot, #landscaping, #leadership skills, #listening, #long term potential, #performance review, #rating is feral, #squirrely, #thesaurus, #words, #ratings, #new words

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Wally is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Wally, it's time for your annual performance review." As they're walking to the conference room, The Boss says to Wally, "None of my usual words fit your situation." They enter the conference room and take seats. The Boss continues, "So I had to hit the thesaurus pretty hard." The Boss continues, "Your overall rating is 'feral.'" The Boss continues, "Your leadership skills are rated 'squirrely.'" The Boss continues, "And your teamwork is a solid 'coot.'" The Boss continues, "Your long-term potential is to die in the landscaping and become compost." After the meeting, Dilbert asks Wally, "How'd it go?" Wally responds, "I wasn't really listening."