Problem Getting Dressed Comic Strips - Page 17

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View 161 - 170 results for problem getting dressed comic strips. Discover the best "Problem Getting Dressed" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #frankness, #goals, #honesty, #managers, #root cause, #bad parenting, #pointy headed boos, #underlings, #rapidly evolving nature, #talented employee, #boss life story

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Boss: You haven't achieved any of your goals for the year. What is up with that? Dilbert: Do you want an explanation that goes back to the root cause? Boss: Of course. Dilbert: The problem started years ago, when two idiots unwisely created a third smaller idiot. They compounded their mistake with bad parenting. The toddler ate candy and sniffed wet paint until he became a pointy-headed boss. The pointy-headed boss set goals for his underlings that ignored the rapidly evolving nature of the industry. Then he got angry at his most talented employee for giving an accurate answer to a question. Boss: I hate you. Dilbert: Nothing could halt the downward spiral.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #morning, #morning people, #sleepiness, #sleepy, #waking up, #prodcutive, #early, #brushed teeth, #face cream, #confused

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Alice: I'm trying to turn myself into a morning person so I can be more productive. I've been getting up at 4:30 every day, and so far, so good. Dilbert: So... no problems at all? Alice: Nothing huge. I've brushed my teeth with face cream a few times.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #laziness, #productivity, #work ethic, #sensors detect, #cubicle, #engineering, #problem, #five years, #robot, #boss, #temporary boss

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Temporary Robot Boss. Robot: My sensors detect no work coming from this cubicle. Wally: That's because I have been working on an engineering problem in my head for five years. Robot: Are you almost done? Wally: I was, but you just made me forget all of it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budgets, #deadlines, #logic, #obliviousness, #projects, #reasoning, #software upgrade, #rolled out, #estimated finish date, #same way, #failure, #on budget

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Coworker: The software upgrade will be written and rolled out in three months. Dilbert: Has any project of this complexity ever been completed by the estimated finish date? Coworker: Not yet. We're confident we'll be the first. Dilbert: Is that because you're doing things differently from all of those who went before and failed? Coworker: No. We're doing things exactly the same way as the people who failed. Dilbert: Do you see what I'm getting at? Coworker: No, not really. And we expect to be on budget. Wally: Snork!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #high five, #human resources, #managers, #work ethic, #trash talking, #emplyee, #boss, #desk, #practice, #cat, #human, #animals, #business

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Catbert: I'm getting complaints that you've been trash-talking employees' families so they'll spend more time at work. I stopped by to give you a high-five from Human Resources. Your aim is terrible. Boss: The first one was practice~

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rehab, #work ethic, #workaholic, #laundry

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Wally: If I become a workaholic, will the company pay for rehab? Boss: What would workaholics rehab look like? Wally: I hope it involves getting paid while doing no work. Boss: That's what you do now. Wally: At rehab I think they do your laundry for you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #thinking, #mental energy, #executive attention, #brain network, #dangerous territory, #surpasses last remnets, #sociala awreness, #misread social cues

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Wally: He transferred all of his mental energy to the executive attention network of his brain to solve a problem. This is dangerous territory for an engineer because it suppresses the last remnants of his social awareness. Expect him to misread social cues. Dilbert: They're here to kill me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thinking, #technology problem, #executive attention netowrk, #social awareness, #radical change, #sarcasm

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Dilbert: I have to warn you that I'll be going deep on a technology problem today. I'll be using the executive attention network of my brain at the expense of my social awareness. Boss: Sounds like a radical change. Dilbert: I can't tell if that was sarcasm.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #programming skills, #next hire, #python, #java, #php, #solve, #ignorance problems, #gap in knowledge, #string theory, #graviton

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Boss; What programming skills should I be looking for in our next home? Dilbert: Jquery, ruby,HTML5, Python , Java , PHO and of course, C++ BOSS: Maybe you could wrote this down. Dilbert: Sure. That should totally solve your ignorance problem. Are there any other gaps in your knowledge that I can fix by writing things down? Dilbert: How about string theory? I can explain that in a few words. Graviton....supersymmetry....perturbation...M-theory. Boss: I know string theory now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #work ethic, #bad mood, #personal problem, #work, #time, #no time

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Boss: I wonder why everyone is in a bad mood lately. Catbert: Maybe they have personal problems. Boss: How could they have time for personal problems when I work them 70 hours a week? Catbert: Then I don't know what it is.