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The Boss holds up a football and says, "I call it teamwork football." The Boss continues, "Each of you will carry the ball with you for one day to symbolize your commitment to teamwork." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "Who wants to be first?" The Boss turns to Dilbert. Dilbert says, "Not me, I have a meeting with customers today." The Boss turns to Wally. Wally says, "I'm on vacation. I only came in for coffee." The Boss turns to Alice. Alice says, "Not in a trillion years." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Maybe you could keep it in your desk drawer to symbolize our commitment to teamwork." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He looks at the football sticking out of his desk drawer and thinks, "I should have used a golf ball."
Asok, The Boss, and Dilbert are sitting next to each other at a meeting. Asok raises his hand excitedly and says, "Ooh! Ooh! I know how to solve that problem!" The Boss replies, "Not so fast, Asok." Asok looks sullen as the Boss continues, "This isn't the solution meeting. This is the process meeting." The Boss continues, "Our goal is to develop a process for generating ideas to solve the problem." Wally turns to Asok and The Boss and says, "We don't know how to develop processes. Someone should have a meeting about that." Wally continues, "Someone like... a cross-disciplinary SWAT team in an offsite lockup meeting." The Boss says, "Hmm.. good idea." He then looks at Dilbert from the corner of his eye and finishes, "I guess this meeting is over." Wally continues to talk to Asok as they're walking out of the meeting. He says, "You see, Asok. You can only thwart a meeting by inventing other meetings to act as a firewall." The Boss approaches Asok at his desk and says, "Asok, I'm putting you on a cross-disciplinary SWAT team."
The Boss is sitting at his desk. Wally addresses him, "Teamwork is nature's way of identifying the weak." Wally continues, "The strong, such as myself, put all of our energy into perpetuating our genes." Wally concludes, "Now this is when you usually try to put a negative spin on everything."
Dilbert stands in front of a complex model. He points on the screen and says, "I designed a product that could fill a gaping hole in the market." Dilbert continues his presentation, pointing to a new slide with two shapes on it, nothing more. He says, "But thanks to the miracle of teamwork it turned into a product with no actual features." The next slide Dilbert points to shows a picture of himself in bed, laughing. He says, "In Phase three I fantasized about my coworkers being eaten by squirrels."
Asok thinks to himself, "I must keep in mind our company's core values of trust, integrity and teamwork." Wally enters Asok's cubicle and says, "May I borrow your chair?" Asok says, "Okay" Wally is at the computer as Dilbert approaches and asks, "What are you selling on E-Bay?"
THE AD AGENCY: The Boss asks Pete Peters of the Creative Team, "Is it wise to insult all of these minority groups in our commercial?" Pete says to The Boss, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" The Boss asks, "Does our company have to spit on a flag?" Pete says, "That's it; you're on my 'difficult client' list now."
THE AD AGENCY: Pete Peters of the Creative Team holds up a picture of a stick figure and says, "The stick man runs through a tire fire and gets eaten by a giant wolverine." Sitting between Wally and Dilbert at the table, The Boss asks, "Will that make people like us?" Pete Peters says, "It's not an exact science."
Wally looks on as The Boss introduces some new people. The Boss says, "I'd like you to meet our ad agency's creative team." Presenting 2 men and a woman, each of whom has a goatee, The Boss says, "Pete Peters, Robert Roberts, and Holly Hollister." Pete Peters says, "Witty remark, anyone?" Dilbert looks on as Robert Roberts says nothing and Holly Hollister says, "I've got nothing."
Asok the Intern is lying on the floor with his legs sticking straight up in the air. Dilbert says to Wally, Alice and The Boss, "I'll see if the guys in marketing know First Aid." Ted says to Dilbert, "Really? I picked that intern in our engineering dead pool!" Dilbert says to Wally and Alice as Asok continues lying on the floor, "Apparently our team-building potluck lunch didn't take."
Alice is sitting in front of the bosses desk. The boss says, "Lastly, what have you done to improve the morale of your co-workers?" Alice says, "I didn't give them the beatings they so richly deserved." The boss, writing, says, "I'll shorten that to 'team player'?"