Things Are Fine Comic Strips - Page 17

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View 161 - 170 results for things are fine comic strips. Discover the best "Things Are Fine" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #christmas, #gods, #party, #too busy, #almighty creator, #universe, #schedule, #holiday

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Boss: Our Christmas party will be in January because December will be too busy. Wally: I'm sure the Almighty Creator of the Universe doesn't mind that we do things on your schedule, not his. What could go wrong? Dilbert: I hear thunder.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discussion, #meetings, #drink coffee, #decisons, #wise

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Boss: Let's drink coffee together while I say wise things about business. Wally: Nothing would make us happier. Dilbert: Whataya got? Boss: The only reason to have meetings is to make decisions. Wally: That sounded very wise. Dilbert: Totally. Boss: I know. I"m kind of proud of that one. Wally: So what happens when you get in a meeting and realize you don't have all of the information you need to make a decision? Boss: This works better if you two don't talk.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #engineers, #engineer, #excellent employment, #potential, #social skills, #relationships, #engineering

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Dilbert: Hi. I'm an engineer. That means I have excellent employment potential and I can fix things around the house. Woman: How are your social skills? Dilbert: Wow. Look who wants the moon.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gratitude, #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #great leadership, #project, #useful things, #good work, #greedy, #business

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Boss: I'd like to thank myself for my great leadership on the project. Some of you did useful things, too, but only because I threatened to fire you if you didn't. So don't let it go to your heads. Catbert: I hope you didn't tell them they did good work. Boss: No, that makes them greedy.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eating & drinking, #engineers, #etiquette & ethics, #crone, #etiquette class, #fork, #teach things

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Boss: I hired a desiccated crone to teach an etiquette class to you engineering heathens. She'll help you stop eating your business lunches like kidnap victims. Crone: When do you use this fork? Alice: When I'm too lazy to make a shiv?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #magic, #thinking, #already exits, #morphic field, #pseudo scinec, #crappy genes, #filberts mother, #explains things

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Dilbert: Every time I think I've invented something, I find out it already exists. Mombert: Maybe that's because all minds are connected by the morphic field. Dilbert: Morphic fields are pseudoscience, mom. Mombert: I also blame your dad's crappy genes.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #obstinacy, #peer coaching, #trendy, #complain, #insightful questions, #cause problems, #respoinsible

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Alice: Who's up for some peer coaching? Dilbert: What? Alice: It's the latest thing. Dilbert: Then it must be good. Alice: I'll complain about all of my work problems while you sit there and listen. Then you'll ask insightful questions that will cause me to come up with my own solutions. Dilbert: Okay. Have you considered the possibility that you cause all of your own problems by um... being you? Alice: You're terrible at this But that's not surprise because you're terrible at most things. I hope you die badly. Dilbert: Do I ask another insightful question now?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarras myself, #emotional meltdown, #panicked, #public speaking, #substance abuse, #worry

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Dilbert: I'm panicked about my presentation tomorrow. Wally: Relax. What's the worst that could happen? Dilbert: Well, I could embarrass myself in a career-ending way. Wally: Oh. I didn't think about that one. It might be so bad that you can't even get a recommendation for a future job. Then you'd have an emotional meltdown followed by substance abuse, untreated health issues, and a lonely death. And it could all happen because of something as trivial as a typo on one of your slides. I guess I can add "comforting" to my list of things I'm no good at.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #civil liberties, #surveillance, #lost data, #company data, #backups, #governments secret database, #recors, #working fine

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Dilbert: We lost all of our company data and our backups, too. So I hacked into our government's secret database where they keep records of everything we say or do and got it all back. Boss: I feel as if I should be doing something now. Dilbert: Nah. Everything is working fine.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #colonoscopy, #government access, #joking, #preventive medicine, #records, #surveillance, #terrorists

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Dilbert: The government wants access to our customer records so they can look for terrorists. Boss: Fine. No problem. Dilbert; They also want you to get a colonoscopy and send them the video. Boss: Really? Dilbert: I'm going to say yes.