Women Desries Comic Strips - Page 17
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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert tells the woman, "I like your dress." He thinks, "Women love flattery." Dilbert says, "It reminds me of my favorite dish cloth." He thinks, "Uh-oh . . . Wrong thing to say." Dilbert says, "Of course, I'm not talking about an ORDINARY dish cloth." Dilbert thinks, "Dig, dig . . ." Dilbert continues, "I'm talking about a truly fashionable dish cloth here . . . In fact, if I dropped Jello on my shoes I'd leave it there all day rather than use your dress to wipe it up." The woman overturns the table, wraps the tablecloth around Dilbert's head and leaves. Dilbert lies on the floor and says, "Some women just don't know how to accept a compliment gracefully."
Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed. Dilbert says, "I've got a blind date with the lady who works at the library reference desk." Dogbert asks, "What if she's ugly?" Dilbert replies, "Looks aren't important. She sounded very smart over the phone, and I'm attracted to intelligent women." Dogbert says, "Oh . . . right." Dilbert sits at a table in a restaurant with a woman who has a huge head. Dilbert asks, "Uh . . . Should I talk, or will you be reading my thoughts directly?"
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me out. Would you like to see my operating manual?" Dilbert asks, "Operating manual?" The woman explains, "It's an aid to men. It covers everything from 'buying flowers' to 'opening doors.'" Dilbert reads the manual and says, "Looks like you're due to have your jewelry rotated." The woman replies, "Every thirty days. Saves money in the long run."
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . And women have always played hard to get . . ." The caption says, "Dilbert and Eve." Dilbert and Eve stand behind a bush. Dilbert asks, "Then how about a date next year?" Eve replies, "I'd love to, but I don't have a thing to wear." Both of them are naked.
Dilbert sits at his desk writing and Dogbert watches him. Dilbert says, "I'm writing a poem for a woman I just met. Women love poems." Dilbert reads the poem entitled, "Your Legs." Dilbert reads, "How wonderful your legs are, / You can even ask my mutt . . ." Dilbert continues to read, "'Cause if you didn't have 'em, / the ground would hit your butt."
Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "Sometimes I feel like a kid in an adult's body, hoping nobody notices." Dilbert thinks, "It's as if I stopped maturing and just started faking it after age fourteen." Dilbert passes a woman and thinks, "I'll bet women never feel that way." The woman thinks, "Cooties."
Dilbert sits at a desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "There . . . I've plotted Jenny Dworkin's normal speed, habits and tendencies into my computer." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Now I'll be able to predict her location and bump into her as if by chance." Dogbert asks, "Why don't you just call her, say you like her and ask her out?" Dilbert replies, "No. That would seem too contrived."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, who is sitting next to him, "I've designed this program to generate the most effective pick-up line in the universe." Dilbert continues, "Ha ha! Women will be helpless when they hear my clever opener. . . . And the line is . . ." Dilbert reads on the screen, "Hi. I'm Mel Gibson. Did you see a dingo dog go by here with my shirt?" Dogbert says, "Kiss me, you wicked savage."
Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror adjusting his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dogbert says, "The best way to impress women at the party is to just act naturally." Dilbert walks though a party thinking, "Act naturally, act naturally." Back at home, Dilbert says, "Logically, it is impossible to 'act' naturally." Dogbert says, "Most great advice doesn't hold under scrutiny."
Dilbert picks up a ringing phone. Dilbert says, "Hello." The voice on the phone says, "This is Helen. We've never met but don't even THINK of asking me for a date . . . ever." Helen hangs up. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Women got first-strike capability." Dogbert says, "Surrender."