2008 Comic Strips - Page 17

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #sympathy, #in need of sympathy, #so sorry, #face injured, #being thorough

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Dilbert says, "I need some sympathy." Dogbert says, "I'm so sorry your face looks like that." Dilbert says, "My face isn't injured." Dogbert says, "Well, excuse me for being thorough."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2008's comic on:


Tags #good hand, #back rub, #sling, #injured, #make me happy, #elbows

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A woman says, "Maybe later you can give me a back rub with your good hand." Dilbert says, "I don't have a good hand. But one of my elbows doesn't hurt too much." The woman says, "I feel like you're not even trying to make me happy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2008's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #thrown out window, #press charges, #security, #gunning for job, #hire for yacht, #policeman

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Dilbert says, "My CEO threw me through a fifth-floor window. I'd like to press charges." A policeman says, "Your CEO? Do you think he would hire me to do security on his yacht?" Dilbert says, "No." The policeman says, "Would he hire me if I club you with this stick-thing?" Dilbert says, "Maybe."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #moral compass, #healed, #position of power, #narrow gap, #executive pay, #worker pay

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Dilbert says, "My moral compass has healed. Can I keep my new job in management?" Dilbert says, "I'd like to use my position of power to narrow the gap between executive and worker pay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #failed to accomplish.objectives, #physical impossiblities, #logical impossibilities, #unforeseen problems, #spying, #consumer fraud, #win converstaion

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The Boss says, "Why have you failed to accomplish any of your objectives this quarter?" Dilbert says, "Well, I took the objectives you gave me and put them into three categories." Dilbert says, "The first group includes physical impossibilities, such as being in two places at the same time." Dilbert says, "The second group includes logical impossibilities, such as anticipating unforeseen problems." Dilbert says, "Last, we have the illegal objectives, including industrial spying and consumer fraud." Dilbert says, "So I spend my time doing things that are both important and legal, while hoping you wouldn't fire me for it." Dilbert says, "Whoa, what just happened? Is it my imagination, or did I just win this conversation?" Dilbert says, "It was my imagination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2008's comic on:


Tags #new job, #miserable and helpless, #Women, #attracted to men, #salary ranges, #trophy wives, #carnival skanks

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Dilbert's moral compass is damaged. Dilbert says, "My new job is to make employees feel miserable and helpless." Dilbert says, "Here's a chart that shows the sort of women that are attracted to men at various salary ranges." Dilbert says, "Trophy wives are at the top, obviously, and down in your range we have the carnival skanks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2008's comic on:


Tags #moral compass damaged, #vice president, #miserable and helpless, #actual job

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A man says, "It has come to my attention that your moral compass is damaged." The man says, "I'm promoting you to vice president of making employees feel miserable and helpless." Dilbert says, "That's an actual job?" The man says, "It doesn't happen on its own."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2008's comic on:


Tags #moral compass, #damaged, #groomed for management, #coffee in face, #wrong

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A woman says, "I hear your moral compass is damaged and you're being groomed for upper management." SPLOISH! Dilbert says, "Was that wrong? Because I can't tell."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #management, #moral compass broken, #nun, #ceo, #scientist, #burning building, #bidding war, #science

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Catbert says, "I can't put you on the management fast track until I confirm that your moral compass is broken." Catbert says, "A nun, a CEO and a scientist are in a burning building. You can only save one of them. Which one do you save?" Dilbert says, "Is there time for a bidding war?" Catbert says, "Oh, you're good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2008's comic on:


Tags #brain, #part of brain, #controls morality, #the natural, #glows from within

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Dilbert says, "My doctor says everything is fine except for the part of my brain that controls morality." The Boss says, "Gasp! The management prophesies are true. You must be the one they call..." Catbert says, "THE NATURAL?!!" The Boss says, "He glows from within."