2020 Comic Strips - Page 17
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Character
Friday July 24,
2020
Reasonable Assumptions
Tags managers & supervisors, business, plan, reasonable, unreasonable, assumptions, job, face mask, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert wearing face mask: i ran the numbers, and your plan does not work under any reasonable set of assumptions. boss wearing face mask: have you tried "unreasonable assumptions?" dilbert: why would i do that? boss: well, to keep your job, for example.
Thursday July 23,
2020
Empathy Sensor
Tags business, empathy, feelings, office workers, psychology, sad, sensor, story, face mask
Transcript
tina wearing face mask: you did not have sufficient empathy when i told you my sad story. dilbert wearing face mask: how could you possible measure my internal feelings of empathy? tina: i used my empathy sensor. dilbert: that's a stapler.
Wednesday July 22,
2020
No Talk About Morale
Tags business, employees, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, morale, talk, engagement, workplace, culture, happy, question, covid, pandemic
Transcript
dilbert and boss wearing face masks. dilbert: i've noticed that we used to talk about employee morale... but now we talk about "engagement" and "workplace culture." why is that? boss: we found out it doesn't matter if you are happy. dilbert: remind me to never ask another question.
Tuesday July 21,
2020
Carol's Hate Jealousy
Tags office workers, pandemic, business, anger, writing, novel, write, ambitious, intense, hate, jealously, encouragement, die, covid, lane
Transcript
dilbert and carol wearing face masks. dilbert: i'm thinking about writing a novel. carol yelling: stay in your lane! i'm not ambitious and i have intense hate-jealousy for anyone who is! dilbert: i was looking for some encouragement. carol: die! die! die!
Monday July 20,
2020
Dilbert Wants To Write Book
Tags book, boring, colon, elephant, exercise, interesting, people, sarcasm, speaking, technology, write
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert wearing face masks on a walk. dilbert: i'm thinking about writing a book. dogbert: can boring people write interesting books? dilbert: maybe i write better than i speak. dogbert: sure, and maybe an elephant lives in my colon.
Sunday July 19,
2020
People Believe Anything
Tags argument, business, people, believe, anything, whisper, campaign, rival, management, dumb, covid, pandemic
Transcript
all parties wearing face masks. boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them. dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that. boss: people will believe anything. dilbert: not anything. boss: yes, anything. dilbert: fine. i'll try it, but only to prove how wrong you are. office worker: how many does he eat per day? dilbert thinking: i need a new planet.
Saturday July 18,
2020
All Data Is Wrong
Tags business, co-workers, data, Entertainment, experts, guess, horoscope, inaccurate, new study, office workers, pandemic, sarcasm, face mask, covid
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert watching tv. tv: a new study shows that all data about everything is wrong. experts advised using horoscopes and guesswork to make decisions. dilbert: my co-workers already do that. dogbert: they were ahead of their time.
Friday July 17,
2020
Boss Wins In Arbitration
Tags accused, arbitration, bribery, business, covid, employment, fired, job, pandemic, racism, rotten, system, white supremacist, Win
Transcript
boss and carol wearing face masks. boss: i was falsely accused of being a white supremacist and fired. but i won in arbitration and got my job back! carol: how did you win? boss: bribery. once you realize the whole system is rotten, it's easier.
Thursday July 16,
2020
Who Started The Rumor
Tags accused, business, covid, fired, job, managers & supervisors, motive, office workers, pandemic, racism, replacement, rumor, unjust, white supremacist
Transcript
boss, alice and dilbert wearing face masks. boss: i have been unjustly accused of being a white supremacist, and my boss just fired me for it. alice is the obvious choice to take my job, so i assume you will hear something on that soon. i wish i knew who had the motive to start that rumor and get me fired.
Wednesday July 15,
2020
Boss Fired For Being White Supremacist
Tags business, managers & supervisors, racism, fired, employees, white supremacist, apathy, career, punch, witness, denial
Transcript
ceo: i have to fire you because employees are saying you are a white supremacist. boss: but i'm not. ceo: doesn't matter. i care more about my career than your life. boss: you're firing me just to look good? ceo: and i'll need to punch you in front of witnesses.


