Alice's Document Comic Strips - Page 17

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239 Results for Alice's Document

View 161 - 170 results for alice's document comic strips. Discover the best "Alice's Document" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #new software interface, #operating system, #new hardware, #anti gravity, #packaging, #reaction, #perfromance review

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The Boss walks by and Dilbert says to him, "Please don't promise the product manager more than we can deliver." The product manager says to the Boss, "We need a totally new software interface in one month." The Boss replies, "You got it!" The woman continues, "And rewrite the operating system so we dominate the industry." The Boss says, "Concurrent development. Check." The woman thinks, "Suddenly I feel omnipotent." She stands up and says, "I want all new hardware, anti-gravity packaging, holographic agents . . ." The Boss yawns. The manager asks, "Can your team really do that in a month?" The Boss replies, "Let me get their reaction." The Boss shows Wally a document. Wally screams and his skull pops out of his mouth. Wally lies on the floor twitching. The Boss says, "Pessimism will not look good on your permformance review."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 1995's comic on:


Tags #changes to design, #work around clock, #work smarter, #not harder, #violate laws of physics, #create radiation, #ill user, #mention in documents, #beta tester

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Wally sits at his desk and Dilbert stands behind him. The Boss enters and says, "I made a few changes to the design." Dilbert reads a document and looks shocked. He says, "We'll have to work around the clock for months to make these changes!!" The Boss says, "Work smarter, not harder." Wally looks at the changes and says, "You're trying to violate the laws of physics!" The Boss replies, "Rules were made to be broken." Dilbert says, "This design would create enough radiation to instantly kill the user!!" The Boss walks away and says, "Be sure to mention that in the documentation." Dilbert says to Wally, "Let's work smarter not harder." Wally replies, "I think we found the only 'beta' tester we'll need."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 1996's comic on:


Tags #assigned, #boss summarizes, #ceiling tiles, #cnn report, #engineer, #lowly engineer, #recommendation, #technology decisons, #technology descion, #three bullet points, #interactive holographs, #engineering

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The panel is titled, "Mysteries Revealed." Dogbert asks, "How do ceiling tiles get damaged?" The caption says, "It begins with a lowly engineer who makes a technology decision." Dilbert sits at his desk humming. The caption says, "The engineer writes up his recommendation." Dilbert hands the Boss a report and says, "Ten pages." The caption says, "The Boss summarizes it for the executive director." The Boss hands the director a document and says, "One-page summary." The caption says, "The executive director summarizes it for the vice president." The executive puts a transparency on the overhead projector and says, "Three bullet points . . ." The caption says, "The VP summarizes it for the president." The VP says, "Nice necktie." The president replies, "Thanks. Have some stock options." The caption says, "The president sees a CNN report and makes a technology decision." The president sits in a chair watching television with his feet resting on the VP's back. A newscaster says, "Interactive holographs are hot!" The president says, "Get me some of that!" The caption says, "The engineer is assigned to justify the president's technology decision." Dilbert's feet hang from the ceiling and he says, "Ouch." The Boss thinks, "He took that well."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 1996's comic on:


Tags #upgarde, #product design, #overheat, #big picture, #no benefits, #over heating, #sales are strong, #end civilization

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The Boss tells Dilbert, "I made an upgrade to your product design." He hands Dilbert a document. Dilbert says, "This would make the product overheat." The Boss says, "Let's try to look at the big picture." Dilbert reads the document and says, "Okay . . . Let's see . . . Your upgrade has no benefits and it costs more." Dilbert continues, "The overheating would start office fires and put all of our customers out of business." Dilbert continues, "If our sales are strong, we could create economic chaos and a global firestorm." Dilbert concludes, "Your 'upgrade' would destroy civilization as we know it." The Boss says, "Keep me informed." Back at home, Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dogbert asks, "So you're going to end civilization as we know it?" Dilbert replies, "I don't think I'll miss it, frankly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 1997's comic on:


Tags #coaching session, #never returned call, #obstacle course, #unpleasant coworker, #blissful, #productivity

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The caption says, "Office obstacle course." Dilbert walks down the hall. He sees another man and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's Phil. I never returned his call. Walk faster." Dilbert runs into the elevator as the doors close. He thinks, "Yes!!" Dilbert peers around a corner and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's an unpleasant co-worker who wants to be my friend." Dilbert walks behind Wally and a woman and thinks, "The clever engineer blends with the herd to avoid detection." Dilbert stands by Alice's desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, I owe Alice some information." Alice's phone rings. As Alice answers the phone, Dilbert runs by her desk and thinks, "Yes!!" Dilbert looks behind him and thinks, "There's only one more obstacle between me and blissful productivity." The Boss comes around the corner. Dilbert runs into the Boss and shouts, "My whole day is ruined!!!" The Boss says, "It looks like you need a one-on-one coaching session."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 1997's comic on:


Tags #fake acronyms, #staff meeting, #straight face, #action items, #cod meeting, #marketing, #could lie, #business

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Wally hands Dilbert and Alice a document. Wally says, "Here's your list of fake acronyms for the staff meeting." Wally says, "Try to keep a straight face when you use them." The Boss puts his hand on a stack of paper and says, "I've got a few action items. Who isn't busy?" Wally replies, "I'd be all over it but I need to prepare a BTR for the CPD meeting." Alice says, "I'd love to help but this is XRP week for the entire LBQ." Dilbert says, "My SP00 has too much fleem." Alice growls at Dilbert and Wally glares at him. Dilbert asks, "What?" They carry stacks of documents out of the conference room. Wally says, "That was smooth." Dilbert replies, "Hey, if I could lie I'd be in marketing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 1997's comic on:


Tags #revenue figures, #no revenue, #upgradimg, #project revenues, #spread hseet, #fist of death

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The Boss stands at Alice's desk. The Boss says, "When you show this to our VP. Put in some revenue figures." Alice says, "There's no revenue. All we're doing is upgrading our network." The Boss says, "I might have told him the project has revenues." Alice grits her teeth. The Boss says, "Lets not confuse him by changing the story now." Alice covers her eyes. Alice screams, "Yi-yi-yi." Alice says, "O-o-o-okay. How much revenue do you want? A million dollars?" The Boss says, "I might have told him it was more." Alice screams, "Just tell me what lie to use!!!" The Boss says, "Can't you calculate it on the spreadsheet?" Alice's fists clench, Alice's eyes bulge. Alice thinks, "Must control....fist..of...death..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #happy birthday alice, #gift, #charity money, #team spitit, #ash tray, #dont smoke, #ashtray as gift

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Alice and Dilbert sit at a table. Wally stands at the table. Wally says, "Happy Birthday Alice!" Dilbert gives Alice a gift. Wally says, "I was planning to get a gift..." Wally continues, "But then I thought...". Alice takes the gift from Dilbert. Wally says, "Why not give the money to a charity in Alice's name?" Alice asks, "Really? Which charity?" Wally says, "Ummm...'The United Society of Poor People with Major Health Problems'." Alice opens Dilbert's gift. Alice says, "...And Dilbert got me an ashtray even though I don't smoke." Dilbert says, "You don't?" Wally and Dilbert sit at the table. Alice's seat is empty. Alice has left her gift on the table. Wally says, "They say this sort of thing builds team spirit." Dilbert says, "It must be gradual."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 1998's comic on:


Tags #cubicle walls, #detrsoys fabric, #acoustical absorbtion, #agreemnet, #sarcasm

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The Boss peaks into a cubicle and thinks, "What the ...?" The Boss walks into Alice's cubicle, points to something on her cubicle wall and says, "Alice, you know we don't allow anything on cubicle walls." The Boss continues, "It destroys the acoustic absorption of the fabric." Alice covers her ears and shrieks, "OUCH!! My easr! Don't shout!" Alice says to The Boss, "You're right! I've ruined the acoustic absorption." Alice reaches to remove the paper on her wall and says, "It seemed so harmless. I'll remove it immediately." Alice and The Boss stare at eachother. The Boss exits the cubicle and says, "Why is it worse when they agree with me?" Alice covers her ears again and says, "What? Eh?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 1999's comic on:


Tags #talk now wally, #meet deadline, #poor planning, #nicknames for cofee, #java wave, #bean brew

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Wwally stands behind Alice's desk. Alice says, "I can't talk now, Wally. I'm rushing to meet my deadline." Wally says, "Sounds like poor planning. Why must I suffer?" Wally says, "Do you mind if I stay here and think up new nicknames for coffee? Java wava... bean brew.."