Another Deadline Comic Strips - Page 17
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Dilbert approaches a window labeled "Soul Check" where a clerk who looks like a demon is standing. He says to the clerk behind the window, "If it's okay, I'll hold onto my soul while I visit the accounting department." Dilbert is in the accounting department, talking to another demonlike clerk seated at a desk. Dilbert says, "I came to answer your questions about my expense report." The clerk replies, "Take a seat." Dilbert notices there are no seats, but only sharp, pointed stalagmites and stalactites in the cavelike room. He thinks to himself, "I don't like the way this is starting."
Wally stands behind Dilbert's desk. Dilbert says, "I'm writing an e-mail to protest the new policy of making the employees empty their own trash at night." Dilbert continues, "It's stupid to have highly paid engineers doing unproductive tasks when we could be inventing the future!" Wally asks, "Are you coming to the 'Quality Faire?'" Dilbert answers, "No, this will take another hour."
The caption says, "Headquarters." Three executives sit at a conference table. One says to the man next to him, "Hey, Chuck's looking unhappy today. What's the problem, big guy?" Chuck says, "All of my bad decisions are catching up to me. Could we do another reorg to cover my tracks?" The third executive says, "Yeah, I've got some bodies to bury, too." Back at the office, the Boss reads a document aloud to Dilbert and Wally, ". . . These changes will allow us to focus on our core business." Wally walks away saying, "Whoa! Let me get my reorg boots."
Catbert peers over the wall of Wally's cubicle and says, "Guess what, Wally." Wally says, "What sadistic plot has HR come up with now, Catbert?" Catbert shows Wally an org chart and says, "We're giving you a real boss plus a 'dotted line' to another boss who has different objectives." Catbert continues, "The status reports alone will take forty hours a week." Wally opens a stapler and says, "I'm gonna staple myself to death."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "So, you ignored my recommendation and bought a low-cost system that's totally inadequate . . ." Dilbert holds up a document and continues, "You compensated for this blunder by making it part of MY objectives to make the system work . . ." Dilbert concludes, "You'll get a bonus for saving money. I'll get fired, thus saving more money and earning you ANOTHER bonus." The Boss replies, "I'm on a roll."
Dogbert stands on a desk and says to Wally, "It's funny - before your company bought that critical system from me, YOU had all the power . . ." Dogbert yells, "But now, only I can provide essential upgrades!! I call the shots, you simple fool!!" Dogbert says, "Send in the next employee." Outside the cubicle Dilbert and another employee are standing in line holding numbers. The man says, "At least we don't have any multi-vendor compatibility issues."
The telephone rings. Dilbert picks up the phone and says, "Hello." The voice on the other end says, "This is the governor . . ." The governor says, "Do you remember that snotty letter you wrote about prison overcrowding? We thought YOU might want to look after one of our guys for thiry or forty years." The doorbell rings. A large man in a prison uniform says, "Hi. I'm Bob. My friends would call me 'Strangler' if they were alive." Bob carries a suitcase into the house and asks, "So, where do you keep the blunt objects? Sure is crowded in here." Dilbert clenches his fist and says, "Ooh! I am so tempted to fire off another letter over this!!" Dogbert says, "Yeah! 'Postage due' this time!"
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on his legs. Dogbert asks, "Did I ever tell you what dogs believe about the universe?" Dogbert explains, "We believe in infinite parallel universes, all slightly different." Dogbert continues, "For example, in our universe, Vincent Van Gogh cut his ear off to demonstrate his love for a woman." Dogbert continues, "But, in a parallel universe, Van Gogh loses the ear in a tragic toe-nail clipping accident . . ." Dogbert continues, ". . . Vinnie clips the nail, and it just goes flyin' up and rips his ear clean off." Dilbert says, "In yet another universe, maybe he had a dog who talked his ear off." Dogbert replies, "This is why dogs rarely discuss their beliefs."
Dogbert sits on the hassock and Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs sit on the floor. Dogbert says, "I read that dinosaurs evolved into the bird family." Bob replies, "That's exactly correct, Dogbert." Bob continues, "But most people don't realize that there was a very difficult period when some dinosaurs started evolving into birds." Bob continues, "Learning how to fly was the hardest part." Several dinosaurs jump off a cliff and land on their heads. Another dinosaur straps on a helmet. Bob continues, "And living in trees was a real nuisance." A dinosaur clings to a branch as it falls to the ground. Dogbert says, "Boy, that sounds tough." Bob says, "The tragic part is that we did it just for the 'bonus miles.'"
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a desk. Dilbert says, "I programmed the computer to predict what people will be like in 200 years." Dogbert asks, "What assumptions are you making?" Dilbert replies, "It's based on trends in today's youth." Dilbert explains, "For example, we know that science skills are declining, more kids are overweight, and selfishness is rising." In the year 2190, three huge people float in midair. One person says, "I heard that Bobby exploded." Another replies, "I wonder why that keeps happening." The third person says, "Who cares? More for us."