Book Deal Comic Strips - Page 17

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208 Results for Book Deal

View 161 - 170 results for book deal comic strips. Discover the best "Book Deal" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2005's comic on:


Tags #hired abusive, #lying, #control freak, #difficult coworkers

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"I hired an abusive, lying, back-stabbing, control freak." "But don't worry, because I'm sending you to a class on how to deal with difficult coworkers." "Wouldn't it have been better to..." "I've heard bad things about that guy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2005's comic on:


Tags #seminar, #difficult cowrokers, #groups, #quit job, #syndicated cartoonist

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Welcome to my seminar on dealing with difficult coworkers. "Difficult coworkers generally fall into one of these groups." LAZY MEAN SMART CRAZY "The only way to deal with them is to quit your job and become a syndicated cartoonist." "Thanks for coming."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2006's comic on:


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I've written a future best-selling book. "It's part fake autobiography and part plagiarism." Moby Dog Publisher Pitch "You were a large white whale? Wow!" "Until I married Mary Magdalene."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2006's comic on:


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"Oprah invited me to appear on her show to talk about my book, but I'm too busy. Can you pretend you're me?" "Gosh...Normally I would never do something like that, but it's probably my only chance of being on Oprah. Thank you." "Ow! Ow! Ow!" "Oprah is a surprisingly good puncher."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #announcement, #economic value, #engineers, #google, #mergers & acquisitions, #modern day, #podium, #public speaking, #slave trader

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CEO: Google has offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. I agreed to the deal because I'm a modern day slave trader who believes engineers are property and the rest of you have no economic value. Who wrote my speech? Employee: Someone with no economic value.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #low priority tasks, #rational being, #reward, #business

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Boss: You keep spending time on low-priority tasks. Dilbert: That's because I'm a rational being. I only work on tasks that are likely to give me some sort of reward. Boss: I don't know how to deal with that. Dilbert: Have you tried managing?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #joking, #paperback, #spend free time, #fan of clutter

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Coworker: It was a great book. I'll loan you the paperback. Dilbert: Thanks. I love it when other people decide how I'll spend my free time. Coworker: I can't tell when you're kidding. Dilbert: Paperbacks are awesome. I'm a big fan of clutter.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2008's comic on:


Tags #firings, #hell, #satan, #trip, #executive retreat, #downsize, #someplace warm, #pool

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The Boss says, "Carol, book an executive retreat so we can figure out which one of you to downsize." The Boss says, "Find us someplace warm." The Boss says, "Do you have a pool?" the devil says, "You could call it that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #incompetent, #dogbert investment bank, #shareholder, #bribe, #merger, #unwise, #commission, #best seller, #read, #jail

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Dogbert says, "You're an incompetent CEO, but the Dogbert Investment Bank can help you pretend to unlock shareholder value." Dogbert says, "I'll arrange an unwise merger so you can cash out while I collect an obscene commission." Dogbert says, "It's like a bribe, but instead of going to jail, a stranger will write a bestselling book with your name on it." CEO says, "Can I read it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #project, #length, #add people, #months, #useless, #sit down, #business

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The Boss says, "How long will your project take if I add two people?" Dilbert says, "Add one month for training, one month for the extra complexity, and one month to deal with their drama." The Boss says, "But after all of that?" Dilbert says, "They'll be as useful as this meeting."