Charge Customers Comic Strips - Page 17

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View 161 - 170 results for charge customers comic strips. Discover the best "Charge Customers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #burned down, #customer headquaters, #employee screws up, #performance reviews, #demo unit

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Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. He says to The Boss, "Don't give performance reviews on time." Catbert continues, "Wait until an employee screws up something big, then pounce!" A frazzled employee with torn clothes and smoking hair says to The Boss, "...I forgot to unplug the demo unit and it burned down our customer's headquarters." The Boss asks, "Do you have a minute?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new tech lab, #pick contractor, #lowest bid, #force problems, #chance to gnaw wood, #beaver interview

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I'm putting you in charge of building our new technology lab." The Boss continues, "Pick the contractor with the lowest bid. I don't see any problems with that strategy." Dilbert is meeting with a beaver. Dilbert says, "So, your bid says you'll do the job for... 'A chance to gnaw on wood.'" The beaver responds, "Too high?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annual fee, #joke, #once a month, #dumb, #annual fee once a month

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The Boss asks a salesman, "How often would you charge us this 'annual fee?'" The salesman replies, "Is that a joke?" Alice responds, "Sadly, no." The salesman says to The Boss, "Once a month." The Boss replies, "Sounds fair."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #actively isleads, #hypocrite, #marketing, #table, #talk to furniture, #tell people, #you mislead cutsomers, #business

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Dogbert is standing on a desk, still in his magician's hat. Dilbert says, "You have to stop telling people that you can talk to furniture. It's not right." Dogbert replies, "You work for a company that actively misleads customers. How's that different?" Dilbert says, "We call it marketing, and we don't wear hats." Dogbert responds, "The table says you're a hypocrite."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embezzelment, #explain revenue, #layoffs, #sacrificing, #worse than you, #co worker

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Dogbert is standing on Dilbert's desk. Dogbert says, "You can survive the next round of layoffs by sacrificing a co- worker." Dogbert continues, "You must make your boss believe that someone is a worse employee than you." Dilbert is at a meeting. He turns to Ted and says, "Ted, let me explain revenue: it's like your embezzlement, but it's directed at customers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales call, #vatican, #sales people, #worried

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Dilbert, dressed as God, is seated on the plane next to a woman. He says, "It's because I'm making a sales call to the Vatican." Dilbert continues, "I'm told that salespeople should dress one level above their customers." The plane is viewed from the outside. A voice asks, "Aren't you worried?" Another voice responds, "About what?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #value of merger, #large number, #marketing department, #frooglepoopillion

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "The company will be taking a one-time charge to write down the value of our merger." The Boss continues, "The number is so large that it has no name. Our marketing department is on it." A co-worker raises his hand and says, "Let's see a show of hands for 'Frooglepoopillion.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #subatomic particle, #statisfied cutomers, #arthur quark, #george meaon, #signed certificate

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Dogbert: "For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you." "Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark, and George Meson." "It comes with an unsigned certificate!" Dilbert: "I like 'em clean."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office relocation, #studied boss, #learned methods, #corner you, #scream about bright light

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"I am in charge of the office relocation project, also known as O.R.P." "I have never managed anything, but I have studied our boss to learn his methods." "Let's see.. step one, I corner you. Step two, I talk until you scream about seeing a bright light."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert consults, #easy financing, #price gouge, #leasing advice, #paying, #products

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Dogbert consults Dogbert: "You should offer your customers easy financing." "That disguises the true cost of your products so you can price-gouge and people will thank you." "How much are we paying you?" "I'm leasing my advice to you." "Thank you."