Search Results for "creative ideas"
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Character
Tuesday February 14,
2017
Looks Good But Won't Work
Tags #ideas, #impracticality, #managers, #leadership, #threat
Transcript
Boss: The one they call Dilbert suggested we do something that looks good but won't work. CEO: Is this the first trace of management potential you've seen from him? Boss: You think it's a fluke? CEO: Let's keep an eye on it.
Monday March 06,
2017
No Walking Away
Tags #human resources, #policy, #conversation, #ideas, #management, #strategy, #politeness, #etiquette, #business
Transcript
Boss: The company has a new politeness policy. It is no longer acceptable to turn and walk away while a co-worker is in the middle of telling you something. Dilbert: That will add months to my project. Alice: I'm selling all of my company stock.
Wednesday June 07,
2017
Ted Complains About Dilbert
Tags #budget, #money, #funding, #creativity, #embezzlement, #fraud
Transcript
Boss: Ted is complaining that you charged your expenses to his project. Dilbert: You told me to be creative because you forgot to fund my project. Boss: I wasn't expecting you to do that. Dilbert: That's what makes it creative. I looked it up.
Friday August 18,
2017
Winning The Meeting
Tags #meetings, #game, #cruelty, #insult, #criticism
Transcript
Wally: Meetings used to be frustrating and boring until I gamified that situation. Now I try to win meetings by criticizing co-workers offering no ideas of my own, and leaving without any new task. Dilbert: You call that winning? Wally: Compared to my victims, yes.
Wednesday December 06,
2017
Fake Email From The Ceo
Tags #virus, #infection, #malware, #technology, #typo, #literacy
Transcript
Dilbert: I can't delete the Elbonian virus in our network. It keeps replicating. Holy carp! It created a fake email full of typos and bad ideas and sent it out from our CEO's account! Wait, no. That's actually from our CEO. Wally: Maybe the virus can fix him.
Thursday February 08,
2018
Someone Stole Phb's Idea
Tags #ideas, #patent, #copyright, #invention, #credit
Transcript
Boss: Hey! Someone stole my product idea! Dilbert: To be fair, your idea would have been obvious to a monkey with a drinking problem. Boss: But a monkey couldn't build this product. Dilbert: Neither can you. Let's call it a tie.
Saturday February 17,
2018
Bad Analogies
Tags #ideas, #criticism, #critique, #simile, #language
Transcript
Man: Your idea is awful. Dilbert: Can you explain your reasons without using an absurd analogy? Man: It's like a pregnant squirrel eating a sandwich. Dilbert: I'll take that as a no.
Monday August 20,
2018
Wally Has An Idea
Tuesday August 21,
2018
Wally Has An Idea For Carol
Tags #carol, #Wally, #bike, #compliment, #insults
Transcript
Wally: I have a great idea for you. Carol: Keep it to yourself. Your ideas are always insults masquerading as helpfulness. Wally: You seem cranky. Have you considered riding a bike to work? Carol: Die, monster!