Crush Little One Comic Strips - Page 17
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Dilbert returns home from his date and says to Dogbert, "My date complained about her life all night long!" Dilbert continues, "But I complain about just ONE thing and she calls ME a loser." Dogbert asks, "Did you complain about her personality?" Dilbert replies, "That's ONE thing!"
Dilbert and Wally stand drinking coffee and talking. Wally asks, "What's the ratio of work to gabbing that is still considered 'work'?" Dilbert replies, "I'd have to say one-in-eight, maybe one-in-nine." Wally agrees, "Sounds right." Dilbert pauses and asks, "Does talking about work count as work?" Wally replies, "Well, I'm not enjoying it."
Headline: Cloning The Boss. Dilbert is dressed as a doctor, The Boss is lying on an operation bed. Dilbert says, "There's a problem with your clone." Dilbert continues, "Wally spilled soda on the DNA module. Your clone is one- half horse posterior." Dilbert continues, "And one-half that isn't like you."
Dilbert and Dogbert are eating breakfast. Dilbert says, "Maybe I should become a teacher so I can educate the leaders of tomorrow." Dogbert responds, "Maybe you should educate the morons of tomorrow so they'll stop believing the leaders of tomorrow." Dilbert replies, "Maybe I'll just eat this donut and go to work." Dogbert asks, "Do you have more dreams I can crush?"
Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert says in front of the camera, "...Everyone should buy stock in that company. Sell your house if necessary." A man replies into the camera, "Should we worry that the P/E is 900, your track record is terrible and you only recommend stocks you own?" The Boss is sitting in his office watching TV. Dogbert's voice is heard through the TV, "Well, Ron, as you can see from the one-week chart, this stock only goes up." The Boss says into the phone, "Buy! Buy!"
Headline: Accounting Trolls. One troll encourages the other, "Go ahead, Larry spit on his data." Larry lunges forward and spits, "PTOO!!" Dilbert is covered in spit. A troll says to him, "Can I give you a little tour of our department?"
Asok asks The Boss, "May I have a day off to move my home?" The Boss says, "One hour." Asok replies, "What? Why only one hour?" The Boss says, "I like to negotiate." Asok says, "I guess I can try doing it in one hour." The Boss adds, "And you can't use a vehicle."
Tina says to Dilbert, "I'm signing up volunteers to serve food to the homeless on Christmas day." Dilbert responds, "How do you know in advance that they'll be extra hungry on that one day?" Tina responds, "Our P.R. firm makes sure they don't get fed for two days before the news crews arrive."
The Boss reads aloud, "The winner of our 'Name the Restrooms' contest is Alice..." The Boss continues, "...For her suggestion of 'Goddesses' and 'Morons.'" Alice says to Dilbert and Wally, "You're right; I was the only one who would enter that ridiculous contest."
Dilbert is sitting in front of The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "Your project is cancelled. You'll be downsized in ninety days." The Boss continues, "Until then, feel free to wander around like a zombie." Dilbert walks past coworkers and thinks to himself, "I walk among them but I am not one of them."