Data Cloud Comic Strips - Page 17

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

240 Results for Data Cloud

View 161 - 170 results for data cloud comic strips. Discover the best "Data Cloud" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil director, most evil way, database, customer information, sell mailing list, spam, balckmail, data bse, clumping

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Catbert, "What's the most evil way to use our database of customer information? The Boss says, "Should we sell our mailing lists, spam without mercy, or just blackmail customers?" Catbert says, "Um... Do you have me in that database?" The Boss says, "We know all about your clumping problems."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags enough engineers, all requests, sales support, online data base, contempt, disbelief, mixture

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to The Boss, "We don't have enough engineers to handle all the requests for sales support." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Build an online database to log all the requests." Dilbert says to The Boss, "It might look as if I'm staring at you with a mixture of contempt and disbelief, but I'm actually meditating."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sould, alice, manager, claim ticket, demoted, play sax

View Transcript

Transcript

A little cloud hovers near Alice and says, "Hello, Alice. I'm your soul." Alice looks alarmed as a hand reaches for the cloud. The cloud says, "You're a manager now; You won't be needing me." A man in a devil suit holds the cloud, hands Alice a small piece of paper and says to her, "Here's a claim ticket in case you get demoted or learn to play sax."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sould, claim ticket, demoted, non-management, cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

At a window marked 'Souls', a devil is standing behind the counter. Alice hands him a claim check and says, "I'd like my soul back. Here's my claim ticket." The devil, reading the claim ticket, says, "You've been demoted back to non-management. Very well." Outside Alice's cubicle, a little cloud hovers. Alice points into the cubicle and says to the cloud, "Get back in the cubicle." The cloud, which is Alice's soul, cries, "No-o-o-o!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bugs, database, not to learn, put bugs back in, strong desire, apathetic

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok hands a piece of paper to The Boss. Asok says, "I worked all weekend to get the bugs out of the database." The Boss replies, "But now the data makes us look bad. Put back the bugs." Asok says to Wally, "Can you teach me to be apathetic like you?" Wally responds, "Only if you have a strong desire not to learn."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags enjoy opportunity, new paranoid employee, not invied, plotting, peri noid, perimeno

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Peri Noid. Dilbert, Alice, and Peri Noid are sitting. Alice says to Dilbert, "We'll have the data by Tuesday." Peri Noid asks, "How do you know that?" Peri Noid says, "You must be getting invited to meetings and then saying, 'Don't invite Peri.'" Alice turns to Dilbert and asks, "Would it be wrong to enjoy this opportunity?" Peri points her finger and exclaims, "Plotting!! Right there!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mandatory online training, system crashed, retake training

View Transcript

Transcript

"You're the only one who hasn't finished the mandatory online six sigma training." "I finished it, but the system crashed before it stored my data." "This is when you say, 'There's no need to retake the training. I'll just check off your name.'" "Are you new on this planet?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags highly prodcutive, useless guy, employee abseteeism, stats, analysis, disk storage, science

View Transcript

Transcript

The highly productive but useless guy Heres a copy of my white paper. Its a statistical analysis of the correlation between disk storage and employee absenteeism. I oddment know how to do statistics but ut doesn't matter because I didn't have data.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bench mark results, ten minute explination, in sales, here you go

View Transcript

Transcript

"Dilbert, do you have the bench-mark results?" "Do you want the ten-minute explanation of why the data are useless, or a simple "Here you go"?" "I'm in sales." "Here you go."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Elbonian hackers are trying to steal our source code. "Send our goons to beat them up." "I was thinking more along the lines of improving our data security." "Improve it or else I'll have our goons beat you up." "This is surprisingly motivational." "Youse call dat a firewall?"