Dead Comic Strips - Page 17

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View 161 - 170 results for dead comic strips. Discover the best "Dead" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags management retreat, golfing, swimming, drinking, getting massages, count printer papaer, meaningless work assigned, dead body, Sports

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The Boss: "I'm off to the management retreat." "I won't be reachable because I'll be busy golfing, swimming, drinking, and getting massages." Carol: "And attending meetings?" The Boss: "I don't see how we'll have any time for that." "While I'm gone, I have a few tasks for you to do." "Open all the packages of printer paper and make sure they have the right number of sheets." "Then crawl into the heating ducts and see if you can find what died in there." Carol: "It's my last boss." the Boss: "Spray him with something lemony."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, introductions, manager instinct, disengaged, mirror mannerisms, witty side comment, pledge loyalty, dead guy, business

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I missed the introductions. "I'll use my manager instinct to figure out who's important." "Only a senior executive could get away without looking so disengaged." "I'll mirro his mannerisms so he'll like me." "Now for a witty side comment." "Ha ha! That will happend when monkeys fly our of my nose." "No reaction! He must be so important that he has no sense of humor!" "I pledge my loyalty to you and only you!!!" "I heard that you pledged your loyalty to a daed guy." "At least he won't ask for much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags incompetent vp, fired, fvaor, laugh, resignation, announcement, terse, incompetence, ambiguaous, meaning

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Catbert says to Fred, "Fred, you're an incompetent VP. You're fired." Fred asks, "May I ask for one favor?" Catbert says, "Sure. I could use a laugh." Fred says, "Please don't make my resignation announcement terse." Fred continues, "If it's terse, everyone will know I was fired for incompetence." Catbert smiles an ugly smile and Fred asks, "Does that smile mean you'll do what I ask?" Catbert says, "I'm sorry if that was ambiguous. Let me try again." Catbert smiles an even bigger ugly smile and Fred says, "I'm still not getting your meaning." Dilbert sits at his computer and reads a memo which says, "Re: Fred. Career dead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cats & kittens, physics, famous physicist, zombie

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Catbert: This is Wulf. He used to work for a famous physicist named Schrodinger. He escaped before the experiment was finished and now he's both alive and dead at the same time. Dilbert: Like a zombie? Catbert: Uh-oh. Wulf: Wow. I have half a mind to be offended by that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags afterlife, death & dying, zombie, truth about afterlife, projecting, curiosity

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Wulf: I was Schrodinger's cat back in the day. That's why I'm alive and dead at the same time. I know the truth about the afterlife because my dead half told my living half all about it. Do you want to know what happens? Wally: Stop projecting your curiosity on me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, honesty, managers & supervisors, motivation, insincere, bar too high, low motivation, business

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Dilbert: My motivation is low today. I understand it's your job to fix that situation. An insincere attaboy or a fake interest in my life would be enough. Boss: Drop dead and let the flies eat you. Dilbert: I set the bar too high again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags christmas, christmas presents, physics, quantum mechanics, interpretation, cat in box, airholes, holiday

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Dogbert: Merry Christmas! This gift is based on the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics. There's a cat in here that's neither dead nor alive. Dilbert: Where are the airholes? Dogbert: I have control issues.

3 D Immersive Goggles

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3 D Immersive Goggles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags death, distraction, mortality, technology, virtual reality, 3d goggles, testing, good experince, forget to eat, medical

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Dilbert: Hey, Ted, how do you like our new 3-D immersive goggles you've been testing for two weeks? Some people say the experience is so good that you forget to eat. You're dead, aren't you...

Ceo Returns From The Afterlife

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Ceo Returns From The Afterlife - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags afterlife, angel, ceos, demon, evil, executives, good, good vs. evil, returning from the dead

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CEO: I returned from the afterlife and I'm taking back my job as CEO. Dilbert: So... you're an angel? CEO: I set all of the thermostats to 140 degrees. Let's see how long it takes you to answer your own question.

Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok

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Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, bad advice, diversification, investment, obliviousness, stock market, money

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Asok: Do you have any investment tips? Boss: You're asking the right person! I can teach you how to time the market, catch a falling knife, and invest in a dead-cat bounce. That's my system. Asok: What about diversification? Boss: I don't invest in anything I can't spell.