Death Spiral Comic Strips - Page 17
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234 Results for Death Spiral
View 161 - 170 results for death spiral comic strips. Discover the best "Death Spiral" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday December 05,
2008
Tags #bored, #boredom, #death & dying, #meeting, #canary, #boring meetings, #die of boredom, #before humans, #business
Transcript
The boss: I got a canary to warn us when our meetings are too boring. Canaries die of boredom before humans so... Dilbert: I guess he knew that.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday February 06,
2010
Tags #boss, #security, #canceled, #dead, #morbid, #cremate, #thermostat, #hiding, #ductwork
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Where's our pointy-haired boss?" Carol says, "Dead." Carol says, "I canceled his security clearance, so he went into hiding in the ductwork. By now he's probably gotten stuck and starved to death." Carol says, "I plan to cremate his remains, but it might take a while; the thermostat only goes up to 85."
Thursday February 25,
2010
Tags #new account manager, #boring job, #problem solver, #introduce, #shake hands, #first day, #toys
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new account manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "His job is solving a hodgepodge of problems that would bore a normal person to death." The Boss says, "We think his parents didn't let him have toys." Dilbert says, "The first day is the easiest."
Wednesday October 27,
2010
Tags #date, #restaurant, #drink, #martini, #olive, #choke, #shake hand, #vortex of failure
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Maybe I can't offer as much as other guys." Dilbert says, "I spend my days clinging to the walls of my fabric-covered box while being consumed by a vortext of failure." Woman says, "But long term?" Dilbert says, "Probably choke to death on an olive."
Tuesday April 14,
2009
Tags #dreams, #aspiration, #angry, #scared, #yelling, #economy, #screaming
Transcript
Asok says, "I'm recalibrating my hopes and dreams to be consistent with the state of the economy." Asok says, "My new goal is to not be smothered to death by an old mattress that falls off a salvage truck." Asok says, "And I am saving money by drinking nothing but mugs of stale air." Wally says, "You're scaring my coffee!"
Friday April 24,
2009
Tags #telephone, #concern, #death, #mistake, #product, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert says, "My boss just told me that he changed my drawings for the smart phone before he sent them to you for prototyping." Dilbert says, "I was wondering if you're having any problems with it?" Man says, "The camera's a bit aggressive."
Saturday April 25,
2009
Tags #flash, #camera, #danger, #death, #injury, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert says, "The flash on our smart phone prototype is so strong that it's dangerous." The boss says, "I'd better show this to our CEO." Dilbert says, "Is that really a good idea?" Dogbert says, "Now pose with Ted so I can get a group shot."
Saturday May 30,
2009
Tags #assignment, #realization, #angry, #useless, #meaningless, #breakdown, #screaming, #yelling, #ignoring
Transcript
The boss says, "Asok, I want to scrub the CPS database." Asok says, "No one uses that data." Asok the intern says, "But you are incapable of admitting error. So now I must dedicate my time to a thoroughly useless task." The boss thinks, "This job got easier when I stopped listening." Asok says, "It's like death, but without the glamour!"
Saturday November 28,
2009
Tags #punishment, #beard, #mislead, #book, #worker, #background check, #innocent, #screaming
Transcript
The Boss says, "Ted, I just got the results of your security clearance background check." The Boss says, "Homeland security ordered me to beat you to death with our emergency preparedness binder." Ted says, "But?.I haven't done anything wrong!" The Boss says, "I might have said some things about your new beard."
Sunday February 06,
2011
Tags #annoying music, #buying deciosn, #clutter design, #cubicle, #eacape, #images, #look ugly, #ne wpordcut, #no information, #portfolio, #stock holders, #website, #work till death, #technology
Transcript
The Boss: Dilbert, work with Gustav to get our new product explained on our website. Gustav: Heres what I have so far. Dilbert: Its awful. Gustav: excuse me? Dilbert: there no information. Its all images and annoying music. Dilbert: People make buying decisions based on what they read. This gives them nothing, Gustav: If I clutter the design with useful information, it will look ugly ad I won't be able to use it in my portfolio. I need that portfolio to get a job at a better company, Please help me escape. Gustav: You'll probably work here until you die in your cubicle no matter what the website looks like. The Boss: Did you help Gustav? Dilbert: yes, But it wasn't a good day for our stock holders.