One Over Par Comic Strips - Page 17

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View 161 - 170 results for one over par comic strips. Discover the best "One Over Par" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #one vote, #cpr, #heimlich maneuver, #two votes, #yelling boo, #drill hole, #below

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Asok the Intern is down and his legs are sticking straight up in the air. Dilbert says to Wally, Alice and The Boss, "Okay, we have one vote for using CPR, one vote for the Heimlich Maneuver..." Dilbert continues, "And two votes for sneaking up behind him and yelling 'boo'." Dilbert, Wally, Alice and The Boss look at Asok lying on the floor as Dilbert says, "I don't see how we can get behind him." The Boss says, "What if we drill a hole from below?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jruy duty, #what excuse, #happy to serve, #civic responsibility, #insanity, #good one

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Dilbert is sitting in the jury room with two other people. The man sitting next to him asks, "What excuse are you planning to use?" Dilbert says to the man, "I'm happy to serve. It's my civic responsibility." The man says to Dilbert, "Insanity; good one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vast wisdom, #evil sadistic, #obstructionists, #trust no one, #except the lazy

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Asok the Intern enters Wally's cubicle and asks, "Wally, may I tap into your vast wisdom?" Wally turns and answers, "Okay, but make sure you pull out before your head explodes." Asok says, "I've noticed that many employees are evil, sadistic obstructionists." Asok continues, "Do all the nuts work HERE by some strange coincidence?" Asok continues, "Or are most employees evil?" Wally says, "Don't focus on the evil, Asok." Wally says, "Focus on the few employees who seem good." Wally continues, holding up his hand, "THEY'RE the ones who will stab you when you're sleeping! Trust no one but the lazy!" Asok runs out of the cubicle yelling, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Wally calls after him, "I warned you to pull out."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #director, #ceiling collapsed, #complained, #steel beam, #hit head, #happen in home, #losing consciousness, #suicide note, #doubting story, #questioning reality

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Caption: "CAtbert: H.R. Director". Catbert is at his desk. A voice says, "The ceiling in my work area collapsed." A man stands with a still beam stuck on his head. Catbert says, "No one else has complained." The man says, "A steel beam hit me in the head!" Catbert says, "How can I be sure it didn't happen in your home?" The man says, "There aren't any steel beams in my house!!" Catbert says, "Maybe you removed them with your head." The man says, "Uh-oh.... losing consciousness." and falls over. Catbert says, to the man's feet, "If you can hear me, don't worry! I'll write your suicide note!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #weekly wally report, #pointy haired troll, #dumped record, #levels of work, #moral delemma, #disappoint stock holders, #last ounce of happiness, #one choice, #reading ahead, #assignments

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Wally, the boss, Dilbert and Alice are in a meeting. Wally says, "It's time now for the weekly Wally report." Wally says, "By Tuesday the pointy-haired troll had dumped record levels of work on poor Wally." Wally says, "Wally's happiness was in extreme jeapardy." Wally says, "It was a moral dilemma too." Wally says, "Would Wally disappoint the stockholders to save his own skin?" Wally says, "Or would he fight with his last ounce of happiness to complete all the assignments?" Wally says, "In the end there was only one choice." Dilbert says, "You wrote the Wally report instead of working?" Wally says, "Stop reading ahead!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #save millions, #project, #twenty million, #year to complete, #topper, #one better, #do better

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Dilbert, The Boss and Topper are sitting at a conference table. Dilbert says, "My project will save the company a million dollars." Topper says, "Mine saves twenty million." Dilbert says, "My project will take a year to complete." The Boss looks at Topper as Topper says, "Mine takes a week." Dilbert says, "Topper, I have half a mind..." The Boss looks dazed as Topper twitches and says, "I have one percent of a mind."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #training facility, #training, #secret location, #blinfolded, #drivers

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The Boss ties a blindfold over Alice's eyes and says, "No one knows the secret location of the Management Training Facility." The Boss leads the blindfolded Alice as Alice says, "If no one knows where it is, how do we get there?" Alice is sitting blindfolded in a car. The Boss is sitting in the driver's seat, also blindfolded. The Boss says, "This part can get loud."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #take this one, #hige mistake, #security reliability, #xq-7

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Dilbert is talking to a vendor. Pointing to a sheet of paper, Dilbert says, "I'll take this one." The vendor says, "No, no, no. Huge mistake." The vendor says to Dilbert, "You need the security and reliability of the XQ-7." Dilbert says, "Okay, I'll take the XQ-7." The vendor says, "Shoot! I wish my company made that one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honest vendor, #not nice to meet, #weird, #spank hamster, #business is over reated, #repeat business

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THE HONEST VENDOR: Dilbert and the vendor reach to shake hands. The vendor says, "It wasn't nice to meet you." Shaking hands with Dilbert, the vendor says, "You didn't buy enough; I'll probably spank my hamster for no reason." The vendor thinks to himself, "Repeat business is over-rated."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #phone call, #outgoing message, #paris, #press one, #movie, #press two, #bad feeling

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Dilbert, pressing buttons on his portable telephone to the sound of, "beep boop beep," thinks to himself, "I hope she's home." Listening to his phone, Dilbert hears, "If you'd like to take me to Paris, press one. If you are inviting me to a lousy movie, press two." Dilbert presses a button on his phone to the sound of, "beep," and thinks to himself, "I've got a bad feeling about this."