Pretend Dead Comic Strips - Page 17
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282 Results for Pretend Dead
View 161 - 170 results for pretend dead comic strips. Discover the best "Pretend Dead" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 13,
1997
Tags #project plan requested, #working day and night, #wold chipmunks, #clip art, #never mic sarcasm, #good clip art
Transcript
Dilbert enters the Boss's office. He says, "Here's my project plan as you requested." Dilbert explains, "Our team is already working day and night on other projects." Dilbert continues, "I assumed we'd give up eating, sleeping and bathing to fit this in." Dilbert continues, "By the second week we'll be starving, delirious and stinking." Dilbert continues, "We'll be like wild, unpredictable animals." Dilbert continues, "Specifically, we'd be like wild chipmunks. None of us are very aggressive." Dilbert points to the proposal and says, "This clip art represents us in week three as a pile of dead chipmunks." Wally asks Dilbert, "Now he wants it in two weeks?" Dilbert says, "Never mix sarcasm with good clip-art."
Sunday May 18,
1997
Tags #restaurant, #tipping waitress, #14 % tip, #service was excellent, #cheap, #lying, #unscrupulous weasel, #bad sevice
Transcript
Wally, Alice and Dilbert sit at a table in a restaurant. The waitress hands them the check and says, "Thank you. Please come again." The waitress thinks, "After I'm dead." Dilbert says, "If we each put in twelve dollars, that will give her a healthy fourteen percent tip." Wally says, "The service was excellent. I'll put in a little extra." Dilbert and Alice say, "Me too." Dilbert counts the money and says, "That gives us . . . Um . . . Only thirty-four dollars." Dilbert says, "One of us is a cheap, lying, unscrupulous weasel." They look at each other. Dilbert says, "Or maybe the service was bad." Wally says, "She didn't smile enough." Alice says, "Same as last week."
Thursday June 10,
1999
Tags #corporate lawyer, #court testimony, #other sdie, #hots witness, #fake court, #magazine, #whap
Transcript
Caption: "The Corporate Lawyer" A lawyer talks to Dilbert. The lawyer says, "Let's prepare for your court testimony. I'll pretend to be the other side." The lawyer says, "Liar! Why is your attorney so handsome?" and hits Dilbert in the face with a newspaper. Dilberts glasses are broken. Dilbert says, "They can hit me?" The lawyer says, "I don't see why not."
Friday November 12,
1999
Tags #increases prodctivity, #go back to cubicle
Transcript
The boss is in the cafeteria, carrying his tray of food and approaching Dilbert, who is sitting alone eating. The boss asks, "Do you mind if I pretend to like you? I hear it increases productivity." The boss is sitting next to him now, staring with a smile. Dilbert says, "I need to go back to my cubicle now." The boss, still staring and smiling thinks, "It's working!"
Tuesday February 13,
2001
Tags #boss, #sneaking up on, #computer, #walk past, #muscles cramping, #technology
Transcript
The Boss peeks in at Dilbert in his cubicle and thinks, "Is that work? I can't see what's on the screen." The Boss raises one leg as if in the middle of walking and thinks, "If he sees me I'll pretend I'm in mid-stride, just passing by." Wally stands behind The Boss and says into his cell phone, "The small font is working." Dilbert says into his telephone, "Good." The Boss grimaces and thinks, "Muscles cramping."
Monday April 09,
2001
Tags #discovered oil, #wild life perserve, #elbonian, #endangered species, #no impact, #drilled unicorn, #dead, #animals, #drill fields
Transcript
The Boss: we've discovered oil in the Elbonian wild life preserve. DOnt worry about the endangered species. Our drilling will have no impact. ELbonian: oops
Wednesday April 11,
2001
Tags #oil wells, #albanian wild life preserve, #extinction, #seven species, #useless, #species, #eat and grunt
Transcript
The boss is giving a presentation as he points to a slide of a dead animal. The boss says, "Our oil wells in the Elbonian Wildlife Preserve have caused the extinction of seven species." The boss continues, "Luckily, they were useless species who did nothing but eat and grunt." Wally is sitting beside Dilbert, eating a doughnut and grunting, "Mm..mm..mm.."
Thursday May 10,
2001
Tags #wally in jail, #try door, #guards dont lock, #lifers, #most embarrassed
Transcript
Dilbert approaches Dogbert and asks, "Wally's in jail. Can you help get him out?" Dogbert answers, "Tell him to try the door. The guards only pretend to lock them." Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit in the break room eating lunch. Wally says, "But I'd have to say it was the lifers who were the most embarassed."
Thursday May 16,
2002
Tags #ceo visit, #tour of cubicles, #bunch of boxes, #pretend to work
Transcript
Headline: The CEO Visit. The Boss says to the CEO, "Would you like a tour of our cubicles?" The CEO responds, "Why would I want to see a bunch of boxes filled with people pretending to work?" The CEO continues, "Unless that's the only thing you planned for the first thirty minutes of my visit."
Tuesday September 24,
2002
Tags #chronic mahjobbis, #puke, #doctor, #exam, #diagnosis, #user interfaces, #designed by engineers, #interface poisoning, #dead in a week, #medical
Transcript
The Boss points to a slide and says, "Our dress code policy will go back to business attire." The Boss continues, "And I will keep changing the dress code until I find the clothing style that makes our profits go up!" Headline: Later, At The Sartorial Alchemy Lab. The Boss and Catbert are both wearing safety goggles. A shirt is being hung from a machine and The Boss is holding out a shoe. The Boss says, "Watch out. This might spark."