Sibs Data Base Comic Strips - Page 17

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View 161 - 170 results for sibs data base comic strips. Discover the best "Sibs Data Base" comics from Dilbert.com.

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Dogbert consults "You need a dashboard application to track your key metrics." "That way you'll have more data to ignore when you make your decisions based on company politics." "Will the data be accurate?" "Okay, let's pretend that matters."

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I can monitor the company's key metrics from my executive dashboard. "Uh-oh. I need to do a better job of falsifying my data." "Allow me to set the stage for your next assignment by reminding you that stockholders have never done anything for you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death & dying, #internet & world wide web, #extreme sports, #basejump, #space station, #machine learning, #inetrnational

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Computer: Based on your internet history, you might be dumb enough to enjoy extreme sports. Click here to buy a ticket to base jump from the International Space Station. Boss: I think the internet is trying to kill me. Dilbert: We call it "machine learning."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company news letter, #compile beta test, #in memorium, #newsletter

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The Boss: Wally, are you busy? Wally: Yes, I'm reading the 'In Memoriam' section of our company newsletter." The Boss: When you're done, can you compile the beta test results?" Wally: Sure. Just as soon as I get the data from... Larry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #recipe, #leadership, #hard part, #strategy, #hand over papers, #season, #pinch

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Dilbert says, "I collected optimistic data, put it in the context of bad analogies, seasoned it with saliency bias?" Dilbert says, "?Added herd instinct, a pinch of confirmation bias? and here's your strategy." Dilbert says, "Just add leadership." The Boss says, "Why do I always get the hard part?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer, #duel, #angry, #fight, #send link, #winner, #arms up, #cell phone, #technology, #engineering

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How Engineers Duel Dilbert says, "Your data are weak." Engineer says, "Make your move!" Dilbert says, "I'm sending you a link!" Engineer says, "I'm sending you three links!" Dilbert says, "I don't have time for this." Engineer says, "Winner!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #sweat, #nervous, #rudeness

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Job interview Woman says, "I detect the flop sweat of desperation." Woman says, "I base my hiring decisions on who would make a good mate, and I would never want to give life to your sweaty baby." Woman says, "Do you see what I'm saying?" crumple Dilbert says, "Can I try again when I'm dehydrated?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walking, #guard, #job, #transfer, #market, #economy, #stealing, #business, #Sports

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Catbert says, "You can have your old job back, but your compensation will reflect the new market reality." Catbert says, "You'll get a small base salary plus anything you can sneak past the guard in the lobby." Dilbert thinks, "These aren't the droids you're looking for."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustrated, #angry, #stupidity

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The boss says, "Get us some risk management software." Dilbert says, "What can risk management software tell you that common sense and experience can't?" The boss says, "Data." Dilbert says, "Stop failin the turing test!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #realization, #angry, #useless, #meaningless, #breakdown, #screaming, #yelling, #ignoring

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The boss says, "Asok, I want to scrub the CPS database." Asok says, "No one uses that data." Asok the intern says, "But you are incapable of admitting error. So now I must dedicate my time to a thoroughly useless task." The boss thinks, "This job got easier when I stopped listening." Asok says, "It's like death, but without the glamour!"