Smart Employees Comic Strips - Page 17

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

679 Results for Smart Employees

View 161 - 170 results for smart employees comic strips. Discover the best "Smart Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #consultant, #virtualization, #project, #employees, #heavy thinking, #obstacles, #progress, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I hired a consultant to help with our virtualization project because I don't trust employees with anything important. Dogbert: I will do the heavy thinking while each of you performs your usual duties as obstacles to progress. Dilbert: You said this is my project! Dogbert: I'll let him unplug something.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2008's comic on:


Tags #planned merger, #fast food chain, #employees, #source of protein, #perfect situation, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I recommend we cancel our planned merger." Dilbert says, "They plan to open a chain of fast food restaurants using our employees as a source of protein." The Boss says, "If we always waited for the perfect situation, we'd never get anything done."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss vacation, #announcement made, #cheering, #employees cheer, #2 weeks

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I'm off for two relaxing weeks of well-earned vacation." Carol says, "Attention all employees. The stain is on the move. I repeat, the stain is on the move." Employees say, "YIPPEE! WOO-HOO! YES!" The Boss thinks, "Relaxing just got harder."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2008's comic on:


Tags #economy, #sarcasm, #smart, #twice as smart, #survive economy, #spontaneously developing, #high iq, #pep talk, #worked in marketing, #see future

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: We need to be twice as smart to survive this economy. Dilbert: Good plan. I look forward to spontaneously developing an I.Q. of 400. The boss: This pep talk totally worked in marketing. Dilbert: Will I be able to see the future?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2010's comic on:


Tags #evil director of human resources, #payroll expenses low, #bad reviews, #employees, #defects, #list, #faults, #alphabetical, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "We can keep our payroll expenses low by giving employees bad reviews." Catbert says, "Use this list of employee defects so you don't repeat yourself. It's less obvious this way." The Boss says, "Awkward, bumbling, cowardly, dumb?" Dilbert says, "My faults are suspiciously alphabetical."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #employee satisfaction, #chart, #point, #fire, #smart people, #stupid, #celebrate, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Employee satisfaction has doubled since last year!" The Boss says, "The credit goes to our new program of firing smart people." Alice says, "You're safe." Coworker says, "Yeff!!!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2010's comic on:


Tags #empire consultant, #crown, #king, #employees, #undproductive, #ineffecient, #brow, #windshield, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the empire consultant Dogbert says, "Make your employees less productive. That way your CEO will let you hire more of them." Dogbert sys, "Inefficiency is the same thing as leadership. A king needs an entire country just to wipe his?" The Boss says, "Brow?" Dogbert says, "I was going to say windshield." The Boss says, "Brow is catchier."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #mandatory meeting, #health and well being, #theme of meeting, #healthy employees are unprodcutive, #exercsing, #eating fruit, #work hard and die, #feel sick, #right on schedule

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Tomorrow is the mandatory meeting on employee health and well-being. "The meeting starts at 6 A.M. So it will interfere with your sleep and not your work." Dilbert: "Doesn't that send a message that work is more important than health?" The Boss: "I hope so. That's the theme of the meeting." "Healthy employees are unproductive." "They're always exercising or eating fruit when they should be working." "We prefer employees who work hard and die before their pensions start paying out." Dilbert: "Suddenly I feel sick." The Boss: "Right on schedule!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #fly on plane, #guidelines, #key employees, #ceo, #presdient, #same flight, #interns, #run with sciccors, #plastic bags, #over heads

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I have new guidelines on who can fly on the same plane." "We can't risk losing too many key employees." "The CEO and the president are not allowed to be on the same flight." "No more than three vice presidents may be on the same flight." "What are the guidelines for interns?" "Infinite interns are allowed on the same flight. You are also allowed to run with scissors and put plastic bags over your heads." "How many interns are allowed per plastic bag?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2004's comic on:


Tags #stock investing, #valuable data, #project on schedule, #refines data, #ceo, #accountants, #nanotaechnology, #discount brokerage, #investors, #secret society, #donald trumps

View Transcript

Transcript

dogcart explains stock investing Dogbert: pay attention. First, employees provide data. Th boss: is your project on schedule? Wally: I didn't know I had a project. A Manager refines the data. The boss: we're on schedule. The CEO gives visibility to analysts. CEO: no problems whatsoever. Accountants publish bad news in footage notes using a combination of nanotechnology and gibberish. Accountant: still too obvious. -Discount brokerage firms tell you that you're smart- Use you own ideas! Investors do their own research Buy it because I did. Thank you unbiased stranger! A secret society of Donald Trump look alike end up with all your money trumps: you're fired. you are!