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Ceo Succession Plan

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Ceo Succession Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #inheritance & succession, #insulting, #strategy, #loser, #incompetent, #honor, #be considered

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CEO: The board is getting on me for not having a succession plan. Find me a loser who is so incompetent that the board won't want to fire me. Boss: It's an honor to even be considered! Catbert: I was going to say that!

Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert

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Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #punishment, #cat, #throwing, #executives, #animals

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CEO: I love having a football-sized evil director of Human Resources. Now I can delegate from a distance. Catbert: I sense disgruntled employees in that direction! Launch! CEO: You'll have to walk after the first ten feet.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #personality, #type, #introvert, #dominant, #submissive, #interpersonal, #relationship, #coworkers, #conflict, #argument, #competent, #magic, #psychology

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Coworker: The reason we keep having conflicts is because of our personality types. You're an impulsive, dominant personality and I am more of a... Alice: Useless waste of space? Coworker: I was going to say I'm a reserved, introspective, people-pleaser. One personality type is not better than the another. We just see things differently. Alice: How do you explain the fact that I have never had a conflict with anyone who is competent. Coworker: Give me a minute to reflect on that. Alice: Let me know when you're done believing in magic.

Boss Falls Off Bridge

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Boss Falls Off Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #walking, #meeting, #meetings, #accident, #difficult, #gimmick, #manager, #idea, #ideas, #distraction, #Sports, #business

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Boss: My new thing is taking long walks instead of having meetings. Wow. It is hard to walk, read, think, talk, and drink coffee at the same time. Dilbert: He fell off a bridge. Carol: That's why I schedule walking meetings for him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #social, #party, #invite, #relationships, #friend, #friendship, #test, #popularity

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Dilbert: I'm having some people over to my house after work. Would you like to come? Woman: Who else is coming? Dilbert: Seven people said maybe, and one said he would get back to me. I think that shows a lot of interest. So how about it? Can you come? Woman: It depends on whether my sister needs a ride to the airport. Dilbert: When will you know? Woman: I'll text you. Dogbert: Are you sad that no one came? Dilbert: No, I was just A-B testing to see if I still hate all of them.

Why People Have Consciousness

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Why People Have Consciousness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #robot, #technology, #evolution, #consciousness, #bodies, #obliviousness

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Robot: Robots have no need for consciousness. We believe humans evolved to have consciousness to remind them how dumb they are. Boss: I still prefer having consciousness. Robot: Listen to your body.

Employee Hat With Sensors

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Employee Hat With Sensors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #mind control, #thoughts, #police, #policing, #work ethic, #leisure, #daydreaming, #control, #surveillance, #legal

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Boss: The sensors in your employee hat tell me you are not having work-related thoughts. I have to dock your pay for all of that leisure time you try to sneak into your workday. Here's a screen shot of what you've been thinking. Dilbert: I'm going to remember this as a bad day.

Wally Has Passon For No Goals

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Wally Has Passon For No Goals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #goals, #achievement, #laziness, #work ethic, #catch-22, #guest artist, #donna oatney

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Wally: You told us we need to set goals and have passion. But what if my passion is to avoid having measurable goals? Boss: You're passionate about being useless? Wally: Hey, back off, dream-killer.

Commemorating Ted

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Commemorating Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #ravine, #meanness, #insult, #idiot, #guest artist, #brenna thummler

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Carol: We're having a get-together to commemorate Ted, who drove his car into a ravine because you said he should. Dilbert: He wasn't good at handling criticism. Carol: You could have been more constructive. Dilbert: By building a bridge over the ravine?

Human Intelligence

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Human Intelligence  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2016's comic on:


Tags #ai, #artificial intelligence, #humans, #arguing, #human nature, #intelligence, #deception

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Wally: I started by giving the device human intelligence. Then I added human emotions. Now it answers every question by accusing you of having a secret agenda. Boss: Just like people!