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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2004's comic on:


Tags #need name, #company, #disguise, #treachery, #catchy, #krap2idiots, #business

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Dogbert: "I need a name for my company, then I can film the infomercial." Dilbert: "I assume you want a name that will help disguise your treachery." "Not so much." TV: "And now a word from the CEO of Krap2idiots." Dilbert: "Catchy." "Shhh..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2004's comic on:


Tags #own stock, #black berry, #dumps hares, #spiked, #profit, #buy a helicopter

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Tv stock analyst Do you own stock in the company you recommended? No, I used my blackberry ti dump my shares as soon as they spiked front my recommendation. This is very wrong now I'm using the profit to buy a helicopter.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 1999's comic on:


Tags #little experiment, #stupid opinion, #aggressively mock, #passing fad, #internet is fad, #internet is everywhere, #back up plan, #attribute opinon

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Dilbert is sitting on the couch, eating, watching TV. Dogbert says to him, "I'm trying a little experiment tonight." Dobert continues, "I'll attribute a stupid opinion to you..." "Then I"ll aggressively mock you while you sit there saying nothing." Dogbert says, "So, according to you, the internet is a passing fad." Dogbert screams, "You moron! Look around you! The internet is everywhere!" Then, "And there's nothing you can do about it! Nothing!" Dilbert, who has turned back to the TV, asks, "How did that feel?" Dogbert replies, "Quite satisfying." Dilbert offers Dogbert some of what he's eating. Dogbert then adds, "I needed a backup plan in case you every get laryngitis."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1999's comic on:


Tags #dogberts ad agency, #research, #don't use prodcut, #outdoors, #indoors, #intensive ad campaign, #outdoors for losers, #humming birds, #man in garden, #happiness of gullible people, #science

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Caption: Dogbert's ad agency" Dogbert stands on a table holding a pointer. Dogbert says to The Boss and Dilbert, "According to my research..." Dogbert says, "...People don't use your products when they are outdoors." Dogbert gestures to The Boss, "Somehow we must keep people indoors." Dogbert flips a page on a display notepad. Dogbert says, "I recommend an intensive ad campaign..." Dogbert continues..."Featuring this slogan..." The pad reads, 'Outdoors is for losers.' Dpgbert says to Alice, Dilbert and The Boss, "The tv spot will show humming-birds attacking a man in his garden." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Wouldn't that destroy the happiness of gullible people?" Dogbert says, "We'll tell them it doesn't."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2006's comic on:


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Phew! That was a nice four-mile walk. "Refreshing!" "Want to watch some TV?" "After I finish this call." Dogbert's Tech Support "Thanks for holding. There's nothing in the database about your kind of problem." @#$%!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2006's comic on:


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"This week I said I was telecommuting but I really just stayed home and watched TV in my pajamas." "I'll never know how the TV got into my pajamas. Ha ha!" "Well, you had to be there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2006's comic on:


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You work in a cubicle while your routers and servers have a private office with their own climate control. "The machines have taken over. Your job is to provide them with electricity." "And do you think those electronic voting machines care about your opinion?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2006's comic on:


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I found a family of squirrels living inside our legacy system. "They control our payroll database. They're making demands." "Leave the acorns and no one will get their deductions increased."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2007's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #go fatser, #set tone, #control, #opinions are treason, #name calling, #intimidation, #corporations, #little guy, #meeting, #tone of intimidation, #condescending, #business

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CEO Visit CEO: "My meetings go faster when I set the tone." "Opinions are treason." "Do you have any opinions, Doofy?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #estimates, #tax and shipping, #realx, #untight, #deep breath, #losing it

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Dilbert: Do your estimates include tax and shipping? Tina: Relax, relax, calm down." "There's no need to go all nuts about the tax and shipping. It's under control. Take a deep breath." Dilbert: Um...All I asked was..." " Tina: Gaaa! You're totally losing it now!"