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View 171 - 180 results for big ass comic strips. Discover the best "Big Ass" comics from Dilbert.com.
Alice and Dilbert stand behind a little boy who sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Matt, your job is to test my new invention that blocks kids from seeing dirty pictures on the Internet." As Matt uses the Internet, Dilbert tells Alice, "His youthful curiosity is no match for my technical brilliance." Matt stops typing and stares at the screen. Dilbert says to Alice, "I hope that wasn't the sound of eyeballs getting really big."
Dogbert stands on an air traffic control panel. He says to the Boss, "Thanks to my leadership, the new air traffic control system is designed on time and under budget." Dogbert continues, "I had to cut a few corners. This big radar-looking thing is a wall clock. And most of the buttons are glued on." The Boss says, "It looks like it might be um . . . dangerous." Dogbert says angrily, "Great . . . I finish early and what do I get: 'feature creep.'"
Catbert says to Dilbert, "This report says you went nuts at a vending machine because it took your money." Dilbert sits with his arms crossed over his chest. Catbert continues, "The company used to offer counseling in these cases. But we found it was more economical to apply the death penalty." Dilbert looks shocked. Dilbert asks, "What?! How is that possible?" Catbert replies, "I'm not sure yet. You're too big for the microwave oven . . ."
Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "My dominion over the planet is not widely recognized by the dolts who are breathing my air." Dogbert continues, "So I've declared total sovereignty over a small, ever-widening zone surrounding my body." Dilbert asks, "How big is the zone?" Dogbert says into a megaphone, "You have just entered Dogbertland. Please show your passport and leave the oxygen alone!"
The Boss says, "Good news, Alice. I'm going to have quarterly performance reviews to boost morale." Alice stands in her cubicle and replies, "Wow! In addition to working sixteen hours a day in this big box, now I'll get 300% more criticism!" The Boss says, "I'll have a chance to hear employee concerns four times a year." Alice says, "I assume comprehension will remain on the bicentennial plan."
Dilbert sits at a table with a woman. Dilbert asks, "If you were hired, what would be your long-range career goals?" The woman replies, "I'd have your job in six months. In a year you'd be working for me, you big pile of dinosaur dung." Dilbert looks at the woman's resume and says, "I see you attended an all women's college. Does that make you more confident and assertive?" The woman puts her elbow on the table and says, "Either arm. Let's go."
Dilbert is on a date. He walks his date home. She says, "I had fun talking to you tonight, Gilbert." The date says, "It got a little boring when you tried to steer the conversation away from me. But I managed to shut you down by looking uninterested." Dilbert corrects her. "It's Dilbert, not Gilbert." His date lets out a big fake yawn.
Alice is telecommuting. She's dressed in a bath robe and sitting at the table with some food and a speaker phone. The voice on the telephone says, "How do you like telecommuting, Alice?" Alice says, "It's good, except I've developed a tendency to snack." Alice tosses her head back and takes big gulping drinks from a bottle. The voice says, "I'm sure you'll keep your discipline." Alice says, "I LOVE Zesty Italian dressing." Alice burps.
Woman's hands holds a babay over The Boss's desk. Woman says, "This is an authentic baby, less than one week old." Woman says, "As I feed this authentic baby in fron of you, recall how big my stomach was last week." Woman says, "So, do I still need a note from my doctor to explain my absence?" The Boss says, "Yes, unless you can prove where Mickey Rooney is right now."
The Boss is critiquing something Dilbert wrote. he says, "You'll have to write this in less technical terms for me.." The Boss hands the repport back to Dilbert and says, "Make it even less technical for my boss... even less for our VP.. even less for our EVP.. much less for our CEO." Dilbert is giving a presentation and points to the overhead projection. "...And compared to other technologies, there's a big difference in the mouth area." The image is a simple frowning "smiley" face.