Fake Caring Situation Comic Strips - Page 18

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189 Results for Fake Caring Situation

View 171 - 180 results for fake caring situation comic strips. Discover the best "Fake Caring Situation" comics from Dilbert.com.

Nothing Else To Talk About

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Nothing Else To Talk About - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personality, #boring, #bored, #conversation, #small talk, #psychology

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Man: Do you want to know how we would have handled this situation at my old job? Dilbert: No. Dilbert: Nothing would interest me less. Man: My only other topics of conversation are my health problems and TV shows you haven't seen. Dilbert: I stand corrected.

Faking Their Own Deaths

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Faking Their Own Deaths - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #distraction, #subversion, #alias, #espionage, #hiding, #productivity

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Dilbert: My job as the team scrum for our agile methodology is to remove distractions so you can work. I've created fake identities for each of us, and I'll be spreading the rumor that we all died. Carol: I heard they all died. Boss: Nice try. I will find them!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #delay, #frustration, #interpersonal communication

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Dilbert: Do you know how to clean up line noise on an XLR connection? Man: No but I can show you how to do something different. Dilbert: Why would I want to see something different? Man: Because it reminds me of what you want to do. Dilbert: I don't need to see that. Man It will only take ten minutes. Dilbert: I don't have ten minutes. It never takes only ten minutes, and it isn't relevant to my situation. Man: I'm going to show you anyway because you're too polite to walk away while I'm talking. Narrator: Thirty minutes later. Dilbert: Something is wrong with you. Man: Now watch me do it left-handed!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #greed, #scavenging, #cannibal, #furniture, #energy, #vibes, #health

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Alice: My chair is broken. I need a new one. Boss: You can take Ted's chair. I fired him this morning. Alice: That feels icky. Boss: It's just a chair. Alice: Ted was a creepy underperformer. I don't want his loser energy on me. Boss: That's your only option unless I fire someone else today. Alice: Okay, give me an hour to do some back-stabbing and rumor-mongering. Boss: I'll just let that situation work itself out. Alice: Nice chair. Dilbert: Why did my fight-or-flight instinct just kick in?

Winning The Meeting

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Winning The Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #game, #cruelty, #insult, #criticism

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Wally: Meetings used to be frustrating and boring until I gamified that situation. Now I try to win meetings by criticizing co-workers offering no ideas of my own, and leaving without any new task. Dilbert: You call that winning? Wally: Compared to my victims, yes.

Randy Meets Robot

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Randy Meets Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #robot, #a.i., #artificial intelligence, #morals, #etiquette

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Dilbert: Robot, I'd like you to meet Randy. He has no soul, just like you. Robot: What's the etiquette for this situation? Do we high-five, then kill the soul-bag where he stands? Dilbert: I can hear you. Randy: He makes a good point. It would be better to surprise him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #deadline, #free time, #death march, #payment, #salary, #pay check, #bonus, #non caring, #cold, #heartless monster, #no sense shame, #money

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The boss: I need this finished by Friday. Dilbert: This assignment will suck up 100% of my free time and turn my happy life into a f=death march. The boss: Thats why we pay you. You pay me so you can ruin my life? The boos: perhaps i said that wrong. The Boss: what I meant is that I don't care how you fell as long as I get my bonus. Dilbert: You're a cold, heartless monster with no sense of shame!!!! The Boss: That why they pay me.

Wally's Stealth Drone

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Wally's Stealth Drone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deceit, #drone, #technology, #invention, #fake

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Wally: In my right hand is a standard drone. In my left hand is a drone using the cloaking technology I invented. Voices: Ooh! Wow! Wally: I'll demonstrate it flying as soon as I finish the noise cancellation. CEO: Employee of the year!

Only Two Bad Choices

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 Only Two Bad Choices  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choice, #choosing

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Boss: We have only two choices, and both of them are bad. SO we'll do the only smart thing we can do in this situation. Dilbert: Choose the path that is least bad? Boss: I was going to say pick the path that hurts our enemies the most, but you're ruining it with your talking.

Sabotage The Plan

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Sabotage The Plan  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #plan, #sabatoge, #incompetent

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Dilbert: We know our boss's plan is a bad idea, but it's our job to execute anyway. Wally: Maybe we should try to sabotage the plan by being incompetent. Dilbert: Since when do you need a reason to be incompetent? Wally: It's more of a "nice but not necessary" situation.