Ask Comic Strips - Page 18
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413 Results for Ask
View 171 - 180 results for ask comic strips. Discover the best "Ask" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday October 10,
2005
Tags our annual report, positive spin, poor results, stock plummenting, can't afford us
Transcript
"Tina, I want you to write our annual report." "How should I explain our poor results?" "Just give it a positive spin." "If you have to ask why our stock keeps plummeting, you can't afford us."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday October 16,
2005
Tags take the chair, don't sell chairs, sell hope, hope of chairs, ship in 2 months, call and yell, buy a chair
Transcript
SALE "I'll take that chair." "Excellent choice." "Now sit there quietly and try not to ask the one question that will kill this sale." "Is the chair in stock?" "GAAA!!!" "The truth is that we don't sell chairs at all. We sell the hope that a chair will someday be made for you." "How long will that take?" "If I could answer that question, it would be the same as selling you an actual chair." "How about if I tell you it will ship in two months, and you call and yell at me every three months for eternity?" "Did you buy a chair?" "There's no way to know."
Thursday October 20,
2005
Tags boss, malfeasance, abandoned warehouse, beneficiary, life insurance
Transcript
I'm afraid that my boss will try to kill me because I know about his malfeasance. "I recommend that you ask to meet him alone at an abandoned warehouse." "It was a mistake to name you the beneficiary on my life insurance policy." "Remember to insult his goons."
Monday October 31,
2005
Tags overall startegy, never ask questiom, hear the answer
Transcript
How does my project fit into our company's overall strategy? "Beats me. I didn't even know we had a strategy." "Never ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer." "That's why I never say 'How are you?'"
Wednesday November 16,
2005
Tags programmers, agile programming, methods, more work, fewer people
Transcript
We need three more programmers. "Use agile programming methods." "Agile programming doesn't just mean doing more work with fewer people." "Find me some words that DO mean that and ask again."
Sunday December 25,
2005
Tags meeting, project acorn cancelled, attend meeting, good questions, business
Transcript
"Can you come to a meeting at three?" "Why?" "I want to tell everyone that Project Acorn is canceled." "You just told me. So I don't need to go, right?" "You might have other questions." "But I don't." "Maybe someone at the meeting will ask a question that you didn't think of." "Should I attend every meeting in the world just in case someone asks a good question?" "Save that one for the meeting."
Monday March 06,
2006
Tags illegal plan, change minds, panning for gold, soirit
Transcript
The legal department says your plan is illegal. "Ask them again." "Maybe they'll change their minds." "I'll get on that as soon as I'm done panning for gold in the water fountain." "That's the spirit!"
Friday March 10,
2006
Tags arranged amrriage, low standards, sister, love, has sister, Family, relationships
Transcript
"My relatives want me to have an arranged marriage." "If they find someone who's totally hot and has low standards, ask if she has a sister." "What about love?" "How can you not love that?"
Sunday April 02,
2006
Tags interview candidate, isn't too old, illegal ask, telltale signs, explosive ear hair
Transcript
Interview this candidate and make sure he isn't too old. "It's illegal to ask his age." "Just stall until you see the telltale signs of E.E.H.G." "E.E.H.G.?" "Explosive ear hair growth." "Hmm. No wrinkles. But maybe he uses moisturizers and stays out of the sun." "Wait...wait..." "Can't...hold out any...longer." "GAAA!!! Look away! Look away!" "Ha!" "Then I waited and waited...What?"


