Awkward Place Comic Strips - Page 18
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Man: Do you want to go to lunch? Boss: I can't be your friend because I'm your boss. Someday I might need to fire you, and it would be awkward if we were friends. Alice: Want to go to lunch? Boss: Sure.
Boss: Did you see the viral video of the kitten riding the zebra? Dilbert: I know where this is heading and I don't like it. You're going to spend the next ten minutes looking for that video on your phone while we wait. Boss: It will only take a second. Dilbert: And so it begins. Boss: Here it is. No, wait. Dang. Wrong one. Okay, here it is. Oops, no, wrong one. Narrator: Ten minutes later. Boss: What do you think? Dilbert: I can't see it because you keep moving. Boss: I would let you hold it, but I don't want your germs on my phone. Dilbert: There are a lot of unsatisfying parts to this interaction. Wally: Now my coffee is cold.
CEO: The company's goal is to make the world a better place. Dilbert: How does that square with our stated goal of destroying our competition? If we succeed, those people will be out of jobs. After we annihilate our competition, we can jack up our prices to monopoly levels and take advantage of our customers. Most of our profits go toward making the rich richer. We don't even pay taxes. Meanwhile, my co-workers and I will be living a life that has been stripped of all meaning. Is that what you had in mind by "Making the world a better place?" CEO: I didn't mean better for everyone.
Asok: Do you have a philosophy for life? Wally: I try to make the world a better place. Have you heard the phrase, "Pay it forward?" Asok: Yes. Wally: I'm the end of the line for that sequence of events. It saves the rest of you a lot of work.
Catbert: I heard that you self-identify as a woman. Wally: No, I don't. Catbert: Well, I need you to do that so the company can be supportive and win some awards for being a great place to work. Dilbert: Because why? Wally: I got my own bathroom.
Dilbert: I need some mentoring. Boss: This is awkward. On one hand, helping you would make me appear wise and generous. On the other hand, it would make you a more credible threat to take my job. I see you as more of an adversary than a subordinate. That's why I withhold vital information that you need to do your job. I've already said too much. Wally: Did you learn anything? Dilbert: Yes, unfortunately.
Man: What's the best way to invest these days? Boss: Penny stocks are the best value because they only cost a penny. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I hate over hearing bad advice! Boss: If I were you, I"d take out a second mortgage and load up. Dilbert; I don't want to get involved, but I'll feel bad if I don't. Boss: You'll get reliable stock-picking advice from strangers on television. Dilbert: Run! Cover your ears and run! If it makes you feel any less awkward, I don't now what to do now, either.
Ted: I'm looking for a name for the spaceship that I designed. Dilbert: How about "Death Tube?" Alice: "Space Debris?" Wally: "Final Resting Place?" Ted: I was hoping for something more positive. Voice: We're positive it will explode.
Boss: I need you to attend a meeting in my place. I agreed to the meeting before I realized it would be a total waste of time. Dilbert: This could not be worse. Boss: I might have volunteered to write up the meeting notes.