Crazy Talk Comic Strips - Page 18

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439 Results for Crazy Talk

View 171 - 180 results for crazy talk comic strips. Discover the best "Crazy Talk" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #resume, #stole stuff, #great stuff, #caught in parking lot, #technically not stealing, #buried german tourust, #guilty, #crazy, #admits to bizarreness

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The Boss: "According to your resume, you left your last job because you allegedly stole lots of great stuff." "Technically, if they catch you in the parking lot, and you give it back, that's not stealin'." "And you buried a German tourist in your cellar." "One time!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #hits on hire, #crazy mess, #problems, #asks to move in, #wants dinner

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wally: "Your life is a rolling disaster, so I figure I should ask you for a date." "I'm hoping that the source of your problem is that you consistently make poor choices." "Maybe you could buy some groceries and make me a nice dinner." "Would you like to move in with me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #need to talk, #phone rings, #time stops, #frozen look

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"Shut the door. We need to talk about what you've done." "What?!" RING "Gaaa!!! Please don't leave me hanging! What have I done??!" "Hello." "My watch stopped. No, wait, I think time itself stopped!!!" "Note: Time-frozen people look exactly like this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad news coming, #time stopped, #grows beard, #eternity later, #boss forgets

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Dilbert: Time has stopped until my boss gives me the bad news that he hinted was coming. Maybe I'll use the time to invent a new language and grow a beard. An Eternity later Dilbert: EE_YO NEBABA WANPONU GREP> The boss: I forgot why I wanted to talk to you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #300 year lifespan, #gullible nebula, #job outsourced, #relocate, #severance package, #spaceship detsroyed

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The Boss: Dilbert, this is praxis. Irecruited him from the gullible nebula. The Boss: I convinced him to relocate his family. Hello My spaceship was destroyed during the landing but thats no problem. I expect to work here for the rest of my 300 year lifespan. The Boss: That reminds me: we need to talk. Your job function has been outsourced. I had etc let you go. Your severance package is: I grab you by the snout and fling you onto the sidewalk. May I use you as a reference.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #voice mailbox, #spam filter, #rejects email, #ear wax, #grid

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Wally: "My voice mailbox is full, and my spam filter rejects all incoming e-mail." "As soon as I build up a good load of ear wax, I'll be off the grid." The Boss: "Wally, we need to talk." "EH?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #great design, #big seller, #attractive, #honor flaw, #functionality, #sex crimes, #accuses user, #cute

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"Product designer" "The new product is selling like crazy, thanks to it's great design." "Sales" "It's so attractive that people over look its minor flaws in functionality." "For example, it accuses the user of sex crimes whenever company comes over." "And it's cute!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new voice presdient, #right and wrong, #customers project, #hate the most, #charge for time

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The Boss: "Our new vice president of ethics will help you decide what's right and wrong." Wally: "When we talk to him, what customer's project should we charge for our time?" The Boss: "Whichever one we hate the most."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle vampire, #happy coowrkers, #in search of, #talk, #work related issues, #life drained, #gut instinct, #you're hire

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Job interview "What's your biggest weakness." "I'm a cubicle vampire." "I wander the cubicles in search of happy coworkers." "Then I pounce!" "Then you suck their blood?" "That was the old way." "I talk about work-related issues until the life is drained from their bodies." "I'm going to trust my gut instinct on this. You're hired." "Have you met the new hire yet?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discontinued chips, #crazy glare, #useless

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"Hey, Dilbert, can you update the yield numbers for our discontinued chips?" "Well, if I have to choose between being rude and doing something useless..." "Consider my crazy glare." "I guess I'll start being useless."