Dead Comic Strips - Page 18
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191 Results for Dead
View 171 - 180 results for dead comic strips. Discover the best "Dead" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 06,
2016
I Own You
Tags honesty, work ethic, communication, text, control
Transcript
Boss: Why didn't you answer my text last night? Dilbert: Um... Boss: You have no social life, and you aren't dead, so there's no excuse. I own you! Dilbert: Whoever said honest is refreshing never heard any.
Sunday August 28,
2016
Tags scam, death, reincarnation, con, con artist, ghost, medical
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm starting a new business selling clothes to ghosts. My garments are made of the finest ectoplasm. Dilbert: Ghosts don't have money. Dogbert: They don't need money. I'm using a life insurance business model. If you pay me until you die, I will keep your ghost well-dressed for eternity. I also offer reincarnation services. Leave all of your stuff to me when you die and I'll give it back to you when I find the baby that got your soul. Dilbert: You'll be in trouble if your customers realize you're running a scam. Dogbert: If dead people start complaining, we've both got bigger problems than my scams.
Tuesday January 24,
2017
Trust The Boss
Tags trust, confidence, vampire, dead, trustworthy
Transcript
Boss: We're not planning any changes, trust me. Dilbert: Trust you? I've seen your browser history. I wouldn't trust you to guard a funeral home. Boss: That's the easiest job ever. Just drive stakes through the hearts of the dead and they'll stay put. Dilbert: To my point.
Wednesday June 28,
2017
Two Choices For Work Space
Tags office, office workers, cubicle, distraction, work from home
Transcript
Boss: We're trying to decide if it's better to have an open office plan with too many distractions to be productive... or soul-crushing cubicles that will make every employee envy the dead. Dilbert: Maybe everyone can just work from home? Boss: And miss all of this?
Wednesday July 19,
2017
Internal Rules Versus Good Code
Tags technology, coding, engineers, logic, corporate, bureaucracy
Transcript
Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!
Friday November 17,
2017
Ted Might Drop Dead
Tags health, monitor, fitbit, wearable tech, heart attack, diseases, death, prediction, medical
Transcript
Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.
Saturday April 28,
2018
Aggressive Littering
Tags guilt, plea, charges, littering, murder, rich people, discrimination
Transcript
Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.
Saturday May 05,
2018
Dating A Skeleton
Tags sex, dating, relationships, questioning, desperation
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Skeleton: Go ahead. But if you ask me if I'm dead, there is no chance I'll be rattling bones with you later. What's your question? Dilbert: It can wait until tomorrow.
Saturday June 16,
2018
Reincarnation Advice
Tags Advice, motivation, reincarnation, death, fussiness, medical
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.
Monday July 16,
2018
Elbonian Sales Video Assignment
Tags culture, catch-22, misunderstanding, communication
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, I'm putting you in charge of making a persuasive sales video for our Elbonian clients. Make sure you read their wikipedia page first so you understand the nuances of their culture. Wikipedia: In the Elbonian culture, showing someone a sales video is punishable by dead.

