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"Project meeting" "I'll have to cut a few corners because of your bungling of the budget process." "If we skip design, prototype, testing and manufacturing, we can afford the product recall." "We'll save on shipping, too." "Is bungle the same as juggle?"
Dilbert: Excuse me. May I ask a question? You're blasting your music while your window is open, so Im wondering.... are you thinking that the people around you are enjoying your musical choices? Or are you a psychopath, prone y to ego centri , antisociale behavior? Or is it a sdeaspartae misguided attempt to improve your odds f finding a mate? Its actually a simple case of peer imitation and cognitive dissonance that causes me to selective filter my perceptions. I like that song. Great! Now I suddenly hate it! You ruined everything!
"I save so much time by not shaving that Im considering giving up all forms of hygiene." "I'd phase into it by having a few unwashed telecommuting days per week." "And if you wear clown shoes, you never need to clip your toenails." "I should be writing this down."
Dogbert: Your stock just plunged on the news that you're going to acquire another company. Have you noticed that your stock goes down whenever you do anything? I'll buy a few shares if you'll agree to sit motionlessly in your cubicle.
CAtbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: cubicles are too expensive. we're moving to an open plan, You'll attend a special classy to ease your transition. Wally: its like he's in a cubicle with invisible walls!
"Do you have a price sheet for removing unnecessary body parts?" "I wouldn't mind a few days away from work, being waited on, watching TV and napping." "You have an inflamed coccyx?" "Yeah, it's gotta go."
Doctor: It's temporary blindness caused by your boss's flashes of the obvious. " doctor: Let Dogbert guide you for a few days. And here's a prescription to make you dopey." Dilbert: "Now?" Dogbert: "Whatever."
Certified Massage Therapist "Fill out this lengthy medical questionnaire." "That'll save me a few minutes of touching him." "I wonder if he'd know if I only used one hand." "Actually, how would he even know if it's a hand?" "Maybe I have an object here that feels like a hand." "This ballpoint pen will work." "I'm finding some tension here. Okay, it's gone now." "She says I should come back every week until my muscles stop clicking." "Sounds like you found a pen pal."
Vendor: We'll build your software with all the features you want plus a few extras. Dilbert: "Or maybe you'll start late and claim there's no way to do everything by the deadline." "Then you'll say that the unfinished features aren't important and you're losing money on the deal." Vendor: "I can't hear you."