Stock Market Comic Strips - Page 18
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266 Results for Stock Market
View 171 - 180 results for stock market comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Market" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday July 02,
2007
Tags strategic asset, market share, fire yourself, accountabilty
Transcript
The Boss: Human resources is a company's most important strategic asset. "That means it's your fault we're losing market share. Maybe you should fire yourself." "Strategic assets don't like accountability."
Wednesday August 22,
2007
Tags stock holder meeting, gadflies, stock price dropped, sleep at night
Transcript
Stockholder meeting CEO: Do we have any questions from Gadflies? You earned 72 million dollars while our stick price dropped nine percent. How can you sleep at night? CEO: ZZZZZ
Monday September 17,
2007
Tags vp of marketing, describe prodcut, marketing language, overheat, hottest prodcut, know carcinigens, appreciate life!
Transcript
Dogbert, the VP of marketing Dogbert: "Describe your product in technical terms and I'll turn it into marketing language." Alice: "Well, it tends to overheat." Dogbert: "'hottest product on the market!'" Alice: "All the parts are known carcinogens." Dogbert: "Makes you appreciate life!"
Tuesday October 16,
2007
Tags 20% raise, two flat screens, monitors, evil genius, second monitor
Transcript
Dilbert: "My pay is below market. Can I have a 20% raise?" The Boss: "No, but I'll let you use two flat screen monitors in your cubicle so it feels like you're an evil genius in a secret lair." "Bu-Wa-HAHA!" Wally: "Who got a second monitor?"
Wednesday March 12,
2008
Tags pronouned hay-soos, fixed eye sight, hair regrow, 40 shares, punch pilot light, ceo, team organizer
Transcript
Pronounced Hay-soos. Wally: The new team leader, Jesus, is gaining quite a following." He fixed my eyesight and made my hair regrow. I think he wants your job as CEO. For forty shares of stock, I could point him out at lunch. CEO: I'll punch his pilot light out!"
Wednesday May 07,
2008
Tags crs database, sibs data base, wrong data
Transcript
The Boss says, "Use the CRS database to size the market." Dilbert says, "That data is wrong." The Boss says, "Then use the sibs database." Dilbert says, "That data is also wrong." The Boss says, "Can you average them?" Dilbert says, "Sure. I can multiply them too."
Thursday October 16,
2008
Tags dogcart the ceo, start rumors, spread lies, stock pop up, stock options, steal, before computers
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert thinks, "Start some rumors, spread some lies..." Dogbert says, "Wait for the stock to pop up... exercise my stock options... bang!" Dogbert thinks, "How did people steal before computers?"
Saturday November 29,
2008
Tags budget cut, health, bleak, public, poorly made prodcuts, elevant, organs, still healthy, black market
Transcript
After Budget cuts The boss: It might seem bleak now, but things will turn around... As soon as the public starts loving poorly made products that are relevant to a bygone era. In the meantime, who has organs that are still healthy enough to sell on the black market?
Friday January 30,
2009
Tags investing, rudeness, firing, downsizing
Transcript
Dogbert says, "Your stock fell a penny a share so I bough 51% of the company." Dogbert says, "I'll double my investment just by firing you." Dogbert says, "Thanks for not being totally worthless." Man says, "You're welcome."
Friday February 13,
2009
Tags walking, guard, job, transfer, market, economy, stealing, business, Sports
Transcript
Catbert says, "You can have your old job back, but your compensation will reflect the new market reality." Catbert says, "You'll get a small base salary plus anything you can sneak past the guard in the lobby." Dilbert thinks, "These aren't the droids you're looking for."


