Doing Well Comic Strips - Page 18
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1000 Results for Doing Well
View 171 - 180 results for doing well comic strips. Discover the best "Doing Well" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday February 14,
2016
Tags #intelligence, #insult, #healing, #doctor, #ego, #medical
Transcript
Boss: My doctor says he's never seen anyone heal as quickly as me. Dilbert: What do you suppose that means? Boss: Obviously it means I am genetically gifted. Dilbert: Is that the only explanation? Boss: Well, maybe ten percent of it is because of good medical care. Dilbert: Can you think of any other reason at all? Alice: Doctors tell idiots their bodies are magic because it makes them feel special. Dilbert: He would have gotten there. Alice: I don't have that kind of time.
Tuesday February 09,
2016
Dilbert Becomes Quasimodo
Tags #hunchback, #posture, #slouch, #attitude, #psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: This job is turning me into Quasimodo. Tina: Is it mostly a posture thing, or do you have some of the Quasi's attitude as well? Dilbert; What's wrong with my posture? Tina: I could ask you what's wrong with his attitude.
Friday February 05,
2016
Soulless Container Of Knowledge
Tags #robots, #artificial intelligence, #emotions, #humanity, #feelings
Transcript
Robot: Wally asked me to scan his brain and download his thoughts so I can attend meetings on his behalf. Boss: But all you are is a soulless container of knowledge. Robot: That's all Wally is, too. Boss: Stop trying to alter my worldview. Robot: Well, look who doesn't like being programmed.
Wednesday January 27,
2016
Asok Is Not A Terrorist
Tags #muslim, #islam, #terrorist, #terrorism, #assume, #assumption, #appearances, #racism, #racist, #bigot
Transcript
Boss: Are you a terrorist? Asok: Why does everyone keep asking me that? Boss: You look like one. Asok: Well, I'm not, you racist. Boss: Is it more of a sympathizer situation? Asok: Stop radicalizing me!
Wednesday January 20,
2016
Just A Guy In A Box
Tags #existentialism, #existence, #value, #work, #use, #useful, #change
Transcript
Dilbert: I like to think the work I'm doing here will change the world. Boss: Your project didn't get funded because Carol forgot to put a meeting on my calendar. Dilbert: There is, however, a non-zero chance that I"m just a guy sitting in a box.
Tuesday January 19,
2016
Ted's Unicorn Startup
Sunday January 10,
2016
Tags #justice, #trial, #jury duty, #laziness, #lazy, #juror, #legal system
Transcript
Wally: I got called for jury duty. I'll probably be gone for weeks. I think I would be a good juror. As I understand the job, you sit in a chair doing nothing for hours. Boss: You're supposed to pay attention to the trial. Wally: That's what the other eleven people are for. There's a lot of redundancy in the system. Time to serve up some justice.
Tuesday January 05,
2016
After Work Activities
Tags #misogyny, #sexism, #camaraderie, #personality, #complaining, #psychology
Transcript
Alice: The men never invite me to after-work activities. Catbert: We'll need to find out if the problem is sexism or your personality.Alice: I decided not to dig into it. Boss: I think you'll be happy with your decision.
Sunday January 03,
2016
Tags #meeting, #complaining, #problems, #salutation, #sincerity, #insincere, #questioning, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: Thanks for meeting me on short notice. How are you? Coworker: Well, actually, someone stole my identity and ruined my credit score. I couldn't refinance my loan and lost my house. So I ate myself into poor health. I stopped shaving for a month and ended up on the terrorist watchlist. My boss hates me and is trying to make me quit by giving me bad assignments. My car broke down and I haven't been hugged in a year. Dilbert: Okay, let's get started. Coworker: That's all the time I had.
Saturday January 02,
2016
That's Motivation Not Stalking
Tags #compliment, #managers, #jargon, #sincerity, #insincere, #motivation, #motivate, #annoyance, #frustration
Transcript
Boss: Alice, you're doing a great job and the company values you. Alice: Your insincere management babble is making me uncomfortable. Boss: That's motivation you're feeling. Alice: I'm getting more of a stalker vibe.