Employee Comic Strips - Page 18
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Character
515 Results for Employee
View 171 - 180 results for employee comic strips. Discover the best "Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday April 09,
2012
Tags Family, work from home, 2 days err week, reduce carbon foorprint, wife, small children, egg carton, talking to moron, relationships
Transcript
Boss: I want you to work from home for two days per week to reduce our carbon footprint. Employee: Nooooo! My wife and three small children are in that house. They're always mean to me. Boss: How bad could it be? Employee: Let me put it this way: I'm sitting in an egg carton and talking to a moron, and this is better.
Saturday April 07,
2012
Tags business ethics, agreements, deals, existence, empire, seem larger, paycheck, fair plan, awful world, balckmail, boss, employee
Transcript
Wally: IF you agree to give me no work, I will agree to not sue you with some sort of bogus employee claim. My existence will make your empire seem larger, and stockholders will get stuck with the bill for my paycheck. Boss: Why does that seem like a fair plan? Wally: We live in an awful world.
Saturday March 24,
2012
Tags ineffective, nemesis, physics of work, quarreling
Transcript
Dilbert: My old nemesis retired, so I asked Randy to take over that function because he's ineffective at everything he does. Coworker: Huh? Dilbert: The physics of work required that each employee be matched with an anti-employee called a nemesis. Coworker: I don't know who my nemesis is. Wally: Uh-oh. You got a hider. They're the worst.
Saturday February 25,
2012
Tags meetings, public speaking, powerpoint slides, intelligent viwers, manipulative anecdotes, boss died, praise employees
Transcript
Dilbert: My PowerPoint slides have a little something for everyone. For my intelligent viewers, I have data, and for the morons, I have manipulative anecdotes. Which reminds me-- did you hear about the boss who died because he didn't praise his employee?
Thursday February 09,
2012
Tags benefits, boss, employee, huge equity poistion, questing, start up, wear whatever, work at home
Transcript
Boss: We need to act more like a start-up. Dilbert: You mean I can wear whatever I want, work at home, and have a huge equity position in the company? Boss: Oh, I guess I didn't know what that meant.
Sunday February 05,
2012
Tags boss, business lunch, employee, freedom from tyranny, lunch, talk work, waddle, waddle away
Transcript
Boss: That restaurant was great. Dilbert: I know. I plan to go there someday for lunch. Boss: We just ate lunch. Dilbert: That wasn't lunch. Boss: It wasn't? Dilbert: You talked about work the entire time. Lunch is not defined by food. It's defined by freedom from tyranny. My lunch hour will begin the minute you waddle away. Was this going well until I said "waddle?"
Wednesday November 30,
2011
Tags employees, secretaries (office), manually entered data, entire weekend, die monster!, business
Transcript
Carol: I manually entered all of the employee data you wanted. It took the entire weekend. Boss: I probably should have told you I no longer need it. Carol: Die! Die! Die! You inconsiderate monster! Boss: Did you really enter all of the data? Carol: Maybe. Let's call it a tie.
Wednesday October 05,
2011
Tags cruelty, employees, employee of month, october 1929, room to grow, past date, past month, business
Transcript
Boss: Congratulations, Asok. I'm naming you employee of the month. Your month is October 1929. Room to grow.
Saturday June 25,
2011
Tags despair, recessions, unemployment, fix your lips, job satisfaction, all time low
Transcript
Catbert: Oh no! Employee job satisfaction is at an all-time low at the same time unemployment is high! Boss: Ha ha! Good one. Now it's my turn to try saying it as if I care! Oh no! Catbert: Ha ha! Fix your lips!
Friday May 27,
2011
Tags mobile (cell) phones, surveillance, security, employee locator device, smarthone, questions, text to yourself
Transcript
Boss: Security says your employee locator device isn't turned on. Dilbert: My what? Boss: I think you call it your smartphone. Dilbert: I might have some questions. Boss: Put them in a text to yourself. I'll read them later.

