Nice Woman Comic Strips - Page 18
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Dilbert says, "It's slow at work so I created my own internet business called Dilbertfiles.com woman says, "So you're stealing company resources?" Dilbert says, "I call myself a CEO." woman says, "I think I saw someone who isn't a miscreant."
woman says, "You need to sign the corporate code of conduct." Wally says, "Wow! You're totally hot." woman says, "Um?That's inappropriate, and you need to sign the code of conduct." Wally says, "I don't have a pen, can you take it back to your cubicle and sign it for me?" woman says, "No. And I think you're lying about not having a pen. But maybe we can find one for you." Wally says, "See if Dilbert is in his cubicle, I usually take his stuff and blame the cleaners." woman says, "Just sign the #%!*! code of conduct or I will crush your stupid, bald head!" Wally says, "Do I need to read it?" Woman says, "No. Just say you did."
Tina: This conversation has a low entertainment value. Let's just use our phones to surf the internet, and call it a date. Dilbert: I don't use the phrase "perfect woman" often... Tina: Shhh
A woman says, "Tell me an interesting story." Dilbert says, "Our spam filter became self-aware and ordered us to build an army of killer robots. My coworker, Alice, punched them all to death." The woman says, "I'm not even in that story."
A woman says, "i saw this shirt and I had to get it for you." Dilbert says, "We've had one date and you're buying me a a shirt? That's kind of creepy." The woman says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Is it made from your ex-boyfriend's skin?"
A woman says, "The quality of your graphics casts a dark shadow across all of your work." The woman says, "Your logo stimulates the parts of my brain responsible for revulsion and dread." The woman says, "ONLY DEATH CAN RELEASE ME!" Dilbert says, "So... bad graphics... what else?"
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "My salary is 400 times more than yours." Dogbert says, "My goal is to jack that up to 410, maybe 420." A woman says, "I hate you for this." Dogbert says, "So you admit you're selfish?"
Dilbert says, "Would it be okay if I talked to a potential customer?" The Boss says, "No. You're not in sales. I need you to focus on your project." Dilbert says, "I already talked to them. Is it okay if I arrange a demo?" The Boss says, "No. Only the sales teams arrange demos." Dilbert says, "I already gave the demo." Dilbert says, "Is it okay if I convince them to buy $40 million of our product?" The Boss says, "No, because you won't succeed." Dilbert says, "Here's their letter of intent." The Boss says, "You shouldn't slap yourself now." Dilbert says, "Yes I... wait. Nice try."
A man says, "Please introduce yourself by saying your name and who you work for." A woman says, "My name is Erin and I work for Sue Boysenberry." The man says, "Wow, lucky. I hear she's great." Another man says, "Can you give her my resume?" One Minute Later The second man says, "I'm so sorry for you." Another woman says, "You must cry a lot." The second man says, "If you ever need to talk to someone, I know a good shrink." The second man says, "He can prescribe pills that will make you feel self-employed." The second woman says, "Be strong. We'll all pray for you." The first man says, "Next."
A ghost says, "Hello, Alice. I'm the ghost of the popular employee who once did your function." The ghost says, "My body has gone to a better job, but my spirit remains to remind everyone how mean you are in comparison." The ghost says, "Nice try, but you can only kill me with kindness." Alice says, "Gaaa! Gaaa! Gaaa!"