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Dilbert tells a woman, "Carol, If you have any suggestions on my report, let me know." Carol looks at the document and asks, "What kind of ridiculous tripe are you pushing??" Carol says, "I spit on your report!" Carol lights a match and says, "I should burn it to ashes, but I won't . . ." Carol cries, "Because I'd rather dance on your grave after people read this!" She laughs. Carol throws the document at Dilbert and says, "Crawl back into your hole, you fly-infested bucket of dead carp!!" Dilbert walks away as Carol shouts, "Die! Die! Die!" Dilbert tells Wally, "Next time I'm just gonna say 'Carol, make some copies.'" Wally says, "The secretaries here have way too much power."
Dilbert, the Boss and two people sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "I don't know why we even bother holding meetings on Friday afternoons . . ." Dilbert continues, "I mean, everybody is brain-dead by now. Is this really productive?" A woman reads a document and says, "Hmm . . . Productive? . . . Hmm . . ." Dilbert thinks, "I'm too late."
Tags #Dogbert, #author, #book, #signing, #autograph, #copy, #bobby mcnewton, #child star, #sixties, #leave it to beaver, #leveraging, #fame, #promote, #recipe, #walnuts, #milk, #pork, #pig, #corpse, #ghost writer
Dogbert walks by a bookstore. A sign in the window says, "Book signing today." A man at a table asks, "Would you like an autographed copy?" Dogbert asks, "Who are you?" The author replies, "I'm Bobby McNewton, child-star from the Sixties. I once had a speaking part on 'Leave it to Beaver.'" Bobby continues, "I'm leveraging my fame to promote my recipe book." The book is titled "Bobby McNewton's Cooking With Walnuts." Dogbert opens the book and reads, "'Walnuts and Milk: Crush walnuts on table. Pour milk on walnuts. Serve cold.'" Dogbert reads, "'Walnuts and Pork: Kill a pig. Cook dead pig. Sprinkle walnuts on pig's corpse.'" Bobby says, "I used a ghost writer." Dogbert asks, "Was he a ghost before he ate your food?"
Dogbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "I'm rich now, Bob. Would you like a job as my flunky?" Bob replies, "Wow! Are you kidding? I'd be honored! I've always aspired to be a flunky!" Bob licks a windowpane and says, "I'll start by tongue-washing the windows!" Dogbert says, "Who says the work ethic is dead?"
Dilbert arrives at home with food stuck to his suit. Dogbert asks, "How was your lunch with the executive vice president?" Dilbert sits in his chair and says, "Everything was fine until the food fight. He started throwing au gratin potatoes . . . I countered with an ear of corn to his head and ran for the exit." Dilbert covers his eyes and says, "When I left, he was face-down in the clam chowder and the kitchen staff was singing 'ding-dong the witch is dead.'"
The Boss: It's going to be another year of flogging dead horses. But somehow we'll muddle through our internal bureaucracy, gouge our customers, and keep getting our tiny paychecks. Dilbert: Sir, Wilson turned into a clump of uninspired sod. The Boss: It's just as well; he had a bad attitude.
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, I know it's only our first date, but what do you think of me?" The woman replies, "You remind me of Elvis." Dilbert thinks, "Sexy." The woman thinks, "Dead."
Dilbert sits at his desk and says to Dogbert, "I heard you closed your school for self-service gas station attendants." Dogbert says, "It didn't work out." Dogbert continues, "I was teaching the section on refolding maps . . . Frustrations were high . . . At first, the paper cuts were minor, but panic swept the room." Dilbert asks, "Well, how bad could . . ." Dogbert says, "They're all dead . . ."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Boss, I have an idea." The Boss gasps. The Boss jumps up and says, "Quick! Close the blinds! I'll get the door!" The Boss shouts, "You fool! If anybody heard you, we're both dead!" The Boss continues, "Don't you realize that ideas are just targets for other power-hungry managers?!!" The Boss continues, "I've based my entire career on shooting down other people's ideas." A brick crashes through the window. Dilbert picks it up and says, "The note says, 'We know you have an idea in there. Give it up.'" Dilbert arrives at home wearing disheveled clothes and bent glasses. Dogbert asks, "How was work?" Dilbert replies, "Same ol' same ol'."