Rifle Through Purse Comic Strips - Page 18
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Dogbert sits at a computer with a telephone headset on. He says, "This is Dogbert's technical support. How may I disconnect you?" Wally sits at his computer and holds a cordless phone. He says, "What are my choices?" Dogbert says, "I recommend the abrupt disconnect; simple, gets the job done." Wally replies, "I had that last time. What else do you have?" Dogbert says, "You might like our 'Please hold,' followed by the 'wrong button' disconnect." Wally says, "Too predictable. Do you have anything new?" Dogbert says, "Try our new "Kervorkian Disconnect." I put you on hold and play an annoying message until you disconnect yourself." Through the phone Wally hears, "Your call is important. Please hold while we ignore it... Your call is important..." Wally thinks, "Not bad."
Dobert and Wally stand looking through a window in a door. Books are stacked on the other side. Dogbert says, "The software manuals are locked in this room." Dogbert continues, "I don't let users have manuals, for reasons that could only be described as mean-spirited." Wally presses himself against the glass and says, "Is there any way we can meet half-way on this?" Dogbert says, "Hey, that door didn't always have a window."
Asok the intern stands behind Alice, who is dressed casually and sits at her computer. Asok says, "I admire your work ethic, Alice. You're even working during your vacation." Alice grimaces and grits her teeth. Asok continues, "It must be hard to remian motivated when you know you can never break though the glass ceiling." Alice grimaces some more. Asok's body dangles from the ceiling through a mass of tiles and wiring. Alice looks up at him and says,"So, it looks like it's just tile after all."
Dogbert says to Dilbert, "I've asked Bob the Dinosaur to cal your CEO and give him a telewedgie." Bob holds a cordless phone. Dilbert asks, "Will that stop him from moving the company?" Over the phone, Bob says, "... now hold the phone behind you at belt level..." Dogbert says, "Stranger things have happened, albeit not often." Bob yanks the CEO's underwear through the phone, giving him a wedgie. On the other end, the CEO screams.
The janitor stands behind Alice at her workstation and says, "... then I sez, "Hey our debt to equity ratio is increasing." The janitor sweeps his broom through the air. "I lept into action and started seeping like I've never swept before!" The janitor says, "Then I sez, 'Hey, why am I using a broom on carpets?'"
Alice peers over the walls of her cubicle at Dilbert. She says, "I hope we get some more office space soon. Otherwise, I'll have to share my cubicle." Alice says, "If they send someone here, I'll arrange the usual 'accident'." A co-worker walks in behind her, box of supplies in his arms and says, "Hi!" A spring under an office chari propells the co-worker out of Alice's cubicle. His supplies go flying. wally and Dilbert watch his arc through the air. "Wow. She got the box, too," says Wally.
Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dilbert is wearing a jogging suit and holds a Frisbee. He says, "I hate it when the title of a book gives away the whole plot." Dilbert throws the Frisbee. He says, "Take Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea." Geez, talk about leaving nothing to the imagination." The Frisbee lies on the ground. Dilbert says, "I guess the odds were very low that you would leap in the air and catch that." Dogbert replies, "I'm only here to be a chick magnet."
Kenny tells Dilbert, "When I introduce you to the customer, smile and give him a hearty slap on the back." Kenny says, "Get ready. Here he comes." Dilbert thinks, "I'd better take some practice swings." The customer lies on the ground. Kenny tells Dilbert, "Next time, less follow-through, aim higher, and if he turns around suddenly, hold off." Dilbert says, "Sorry."
Wally sits at his desk thinking, "Whoa . . . I found a huge bug in our new software product." Wally thinks, "I could alert the development team and work many hours of overtime to fix it . . ." Wally thinks, "Or I could surf over to my online brokerage service and buy stock in our competition." Dilbert asks, "Are you going to lunch?" Wally replies, "No, I have to do an analysis." Dilbert walks away thinking, "When Wally works through lunch . . . It's time to buy stock in our competition." Dilbert tells Alice, "Wally's working through lunch!" Alice says, "Quick! To the online brokerage service!" The Boss reads the newspaper and thinks, "Our competition is up ten points on no news. We're up two, maybe from the industry halo effect." The Boss tells Alice and Wally, ". . . Or maybe our new compensation plan is motivating smarter behavior." Wally says, "I think you nailed it."
Dilbert tells the Boss, "My raise didn't go through because your secretary didn't do the paperwork." Dilbert continues, "I demand that you initiate disciplinary actions against her!" The Boss says, "I'll try, but . . ." The Boss stands behind Carol's desk and asks, "Carol, could you get me one of those disciplinary action forms?" Carol replies, "Sure, right after my ski trip to hell."