Time Division Comic Strips - Page 18

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View 171 - 180 results for time division comic strips. Discover the best "Time Division" comics from Dilbert.com.

Accused Of Forgery

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Accused Of Forgery - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #performance, #forgery, #pessimism, #giving up, #resistance

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Catbert: You stand accused of forging an expense approval from the head of Marketing. Your malfeasance caused the project to finish on time and under budget. Next time, just give up and lose hope like everyone else. Dilbert: Will do.

Electric Car Project

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Electric Car Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #labor, #time, #time management, #obliviousness

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Boss: Welcome to the first meeting of our project to design an electric car. We've never tried to build an electric car, but how hard could it be? Dilbert: It's very hard. Boss: It doesn't feel that way. My part is mostly talk.

Why Didn't You Tell Me Sooner

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Why Didn't You Tell Me Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paradox, #debate, #arguing

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Alice: Why didn't you tell me about this sooner? Dilbert: That's a fool's game because Zeno's Paradox says there will always be a time sooner than the one I pick. Alice's Paradox says that no matter how many criticisms you explain away, there are always plenty more.

Tell Me What Was In The Email

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Tell Me What Was In The Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #email, #laziness, #attention, #detail, #tldr

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Boss: I don't have time to read your long email. Tell me what it said. Dilbert: I wrote a long email because a summary would be dangerously misleading. Boss: I'll be the judge of that. Dilbert: How?!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial, #jargon, #money, #accounting, #language

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Boss: I think it is important for every employee to understand our company's income statement. I don't have time to get into all of the details, so I'll hit the high points. Compared to last year... our ebida have been amortized over an accrued market discount. Meanwhile, our capital account liabilities have a pass-through income that is far larger than our on-time costs. And the mome raths outgrabe. Too far? Dilbert: I wasn't listening.

Asok Learns To Rank Priorities

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Asok Learns To Rank Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #priorities, #Advice, #hate, #misanthrope, #misanthropy, #organization

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Asok: I'm overworked because I don't know how to set priorities. Alice: Try ranking your tasks by how much you hate the people who asked for your help. Asok: What if I don't hate anyone? Alice: That problem solves itself over time.

Boss Gets A Nickname

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Boss Gets A Nickname - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scientist, #nickname, #obliviousness, #stephen hawking, #black holes, #space, #science

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Wally: Our new nickname for you is based on the work of Stephen Hawking. Hawking is one of the greatest scientific minds of our time. Boss: I like it! Dilbert: I need him to make a decision today. Carol: Toss it in the black hole.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time, #time management

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Dilbert: You asked for a breakdown of what I did this month. I wasted 25 percent of my time in useless meetings. I spent 33 percent of my time listening to co-workers complain about other co-workers. I used 11 percent to resend files I already sent. 14 percent went to dealing with a rumor you started by accident. 16 percent went toward working on the wrong things because you communicate poorly. Boss: What did you do with the 1 percent that was left? Dilbert: You just experienced it.

Wally's Cousin Ronnie Dies

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Wally's Cousin Ronnie Dies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #hr, #funeral, #time off, #bereavement, #business

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Wally: I need to take some bereavement time, with pay, because my cousin Ronnie died. Catbert: Cousins don't count unless you married one. Wally: We were domestic partners. What's the police on that, you bigot?

Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave

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Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #bereavement, #deception, #time off

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Wally: Does the company offer bereavement leave? Boss: Yes. Wally: Good, because I have hundreds of cousins that don't 'take care of themselves. Cousin Ronnie just fell off a shed.