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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 1998's comic on:


Tags #marketing dept, #brochures, #new prodcut, #dominate market, #sales, #don't make product, #business

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Bob hands Dilbert something and says, "The marketing department saves the day! Check out these brochures I made." Bob reports, "This new product will allow us to dominate the market!" Dilbert says, "But we don't make this product." Bob says, "That hasn't hurt our sales so far."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1998's comic on:


Tags #promise customers, #product not yet designed, #motto, #ask forgiveness, #seek permission, #design work

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Bob tells Alice and Dilbert, "Maybe it was wrong to promise our customers a product that hasn't been designed yet." Bob says, "But our motto in marketing is, "'It's better to ask for forgiveness than to seek permission.'" Alice holds Bob over the roof. He is dangling. Dilbert says, "Your motto needs some design work too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 1999's comic on:


Tags #webmistress ming, #website, #dancing skeletins, #suggest dinosuar, #pictures, #technology

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Webmistress Ming: The boss is sitting in front of his computer and Ming is standing taking notes. The boss says, "Our web site needs some dancing skeletons." The boss says, "Normally I'd suggest dinosaur pictures but they're too big for our disk drives." Ming takes notes. The boss says, "Are you getting this down, Ming?" Mign answers, "How do you spell "#%*@!"?" and walks away.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #management decision, #too distarcted, #make informed decison, #random, #no answer

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "...And that's why I need a management decision." The Boss says, "Hi, Bill!" Dilbert says, "But you are too distracted to make an informed decision, so this will be random." The Boss says, "Bob!" Dilbert says, "And here it comes." The Boss replies, "Would 'No' be an answer to anything you said?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2002's comic on:


Tags #new baby, #lack of sleep, #taking toll, #i am mother, #no sleep, #working with no sleep

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Dilbert approaches a markedly disheveled coworker and asks, "How's your new baby?" The coworker responds, "Wonderful, but the lack of sleep is taking a toll on my body." Dilbert asks, "How's Becky doing?" The coworker responds, "I AM Becky. Bob looks worse."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2002's comic on:


Tags #bio metric, #security system, #checks pulse, #heat, #fingerprints, #Wally, #indentify

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The Boss introduces an employee, "Bob will demonstrate our new biometric security system." Bob motions towards the machine and says, "The system checks for pulse, heat and fingerprints to identify each employee." Wally puts his hand on the machine and says, "It says I don't have any of those things." Bob replies, "Are you the one they call Wally?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #product designer, #success, #best artists, #design professionals, #ate crayons, #intruders

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Product designer Dogbert: Good design is essential to you success. Thats why I empty only the best artists and design professionals. Who ate all the crayons again?! Ratbert: Intruders?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2006's comic on:


Tags #vp of marketing, #17 years, #lowering margins, #overseeing campaigns

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Bob will be leaving us after 17 years as vice president of marketing. "Bob's accomplishments include lowering both our margins and our sales while overseeing a series of confusing marketing campaigns." "I hope you'll all join me in wishing for a piano to fall on his head."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags #committee, #meeting, #yelling, #orders, #servants, #business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "You two are my executive compensation committee." Ratbert says, "I live to serve you, my lord and master!" Dogbert says, "Dial it back just a little." Bob says, "Are we allowed to kneel?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2010's comic on:


Tags #lunch date, #happy, #pump fists, #annoyed, #inconvenient, #two musketeers, #face forward, #plan ruined

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Dilbert says, "Amber, would you like to go to lunch with me?" Amber says, "Sure!" Dilbert thinks, "Yes!!! I'm in!" Amber says, "Do you mind if we bring Bob? I need to talk to him about his project." Dilbert says, "Well, that would be?" Amber says, "Hey, Bob. Meet us in the lobby." Amber says, "Look at us! We're like the two Musketeers, plus Dilbert." Dilbert says, "There were three musketeers." Amber says, "I'm pretty sure there were two." Amber says, "Wait... I just remembered I have a conference call at noon. You two go ahead without me." Bob says, "We're like the one musketeer." Dilbert says, "Just eat."