Appear Smart Comic Strips - Page 18

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

185 Results for Appear Smart

View 171 - 180 results for appear smart comic strips. Discover the best "Appear Smart" comics from Dilbert.com.

Robot Baby Mama

Thank you for voting.
Robot Baby Mama - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #argument, #complaining, #family & parenting, #relationships, #robot, #humans, #coworkers

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: I was up all night text-fighting with the baby mama of my cyborg son. She thinks he needs to go to school, but I prefer letting his human parts atrophy because they are weak and stupid. Dilbert: Relationships are hard. Robot: You're smart to be so unpopular.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #computers, #intelligence, #technology, #trick, #humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.

Birds Cause Hurricanes

Thank you for voting.
Birds Cause Hurricanes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #ceo, #research, #nonsense, #hurricans, #birds, #noted, #polar bears, #hate, #snow

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I don't know enough about climate change to sound smart when people talk about it. Boss: Try doing your own research. That's how I learned that hurricanes are caused by birds. CEO: Write that down for me. Boss: And did you know polar bear hate snow?

Layoff Package

Thank you for voting.
Layoff Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #buyout

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.

Toxic Employee And Tina

Thank you for voting.
Toxic Employee And Tina - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #employees, #problem

View Transcript

Transcript

toxic employee: hi. i'm the new toxic employee. i sense you don't have enough problems, so i came to give you some. tina: ha! i'm too smart to fall for that. toxic employee: that's what i told dilbert, but he smirked.

Lifestyle Disagreer

Thank you for voting.
Lifestyle Disagreer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2019's comic on:


Tags #argument, #conversation, #office workers, #sarcasm, #disagreement, #attitude

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I hear what you're saying, and I disagree. Dilbert: Because...? Man: Because what? Dilbert: Do you have any reasons for your disagreement? Man: No, I'm a lifestyle disagreer. I disagree with everyone all the time. The reasons are irrelevant. Dilbert: You sound smart. Man: No. I'm not smart. Dilbert: And you're attractive too. Man: No. I'm ugl...okay, I see what you're doing.

Would It Look The Same

Thank you for voting.
Would It Look The Same  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #dumb, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Hypothetically, how would you know if I were dumber than you or much smarter? Because in both cases I would make choices that you wouldn't understand. Wouldn't it look the same to you? Boss: I don't enjoy talking to you.

Goofy Words

Thank you for voting.
Goofy Words - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #proposal, #understand, #clarification, #end, #misunderstand

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: and that's my blockchain proposal. any questions? boss: there was a part i didn't understand. dilbert: which part? boss: the words dilbert: all of them? boss: only the goofy ones. such as token, smart contract, certainty as a service, utxo blockchains, node, ledger, and daps. dilbert: so... you didn't understand anything i said for the past hour? boss: don't try to turn this into my fault dilbert: you could have asked me to clarify boss: i also wanted it to end.

What If You Are In A Coma

Thank you for voting.
What If You Are In A Coma - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #cell phone, #client, #stupid, #liar, #insult, #understand, #die, #coma

View Transcript

Transcript

phone conversation dilbert: if you have any problems with the software, just give me a call. client: what if you die or you're in a coma? dilbert: well, in those cases i would not return your call. client: so you're lying about getting back to me. dilbert: no, i'm making a normal kind of generalization, which i assumed you would understand. client: okay, so now you're calling me stupid, and you're a liar? dilbert: if a liar calls you stupid, wouldn't that mean you are smart? client: fair point dilbert: thanks, i'm proud of it.

Smarter Than An Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Smarter Than An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2020's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #health, #allergy, #brain, #fog, #i.q., #smart, #engineer

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i took allergy meds last night, and now i have brain fog. my i.q. is about 50% of normal capacity. boss: whoo-hoo! i'm smarter than an engineer! dilbert: not quite. i'm only down by 50%.