Boss Friend Comic Strips - Page 18
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Alice says to the Boss, "I can't keep working these long hours . . . I deserve a family life." The Boss says, "Alice, Alice, Alice . . ." The Boss says, "This isn't the 'me' generation of the eighties. This is the 'lifeless nineties.' I expect 178 hours of work from you each week." Alice says, "There are only . . . Uh, 168 hours in a week." The Boss replies, "I expect your family to chip in a few hours."
Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I'm working too many hours . . . I never spend time with my family." The Boss holds up a brochure and replies, "The company cares. That's why we've developed a program to teach you how to cope." Alice reads the pamphlet, "Celibacy and adoption - the choice for the nineties."
Dilbert hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's my time report, in fifteen minute increments." Dilbert says, "And here's my monthly project status, my budget forecast, my key accomplishments, my jeopardy list . . ." The Boss thinks as Dilbert walks away, "Never has so little been measured so much."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I need to identify any unnecessary and unproductive employees so I can cut costs." The Boss asks, "Does anybody have spare time to join my task force on productivity?" Ted raises his hand and the Boss says, "Good, good . . . Anybody else?"
The Boss points to a wall of circular openings and tells Dilbert, "I borrowed a Japanese work custom - sleeping tubes!" The Boss explains, "No more wasted time commuting. If you keel over from exhaustion we'll just cram you into a sleep tube." Dilbert asks, "Which tube is mine?" The Boss replies, "You don't get a personal tube unless you're employee of the week."
The Boos, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called karoshi." The Boss continues, "I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department." The Boss continues, "The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon."
The Boss reaches for the coffee pot and thinks, "I'm the Boss. I can take the last bit of coffee without making a new pot." The Boss yells, "Look at me!! I'm taking the last drop!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" Dilbert says, "An actual human would feel guilt in this situation." The Boss says, "The pot needs washing."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on the computer. The Boss says, "My boss says we need some eunuch programmers." Dilbert replies, "I think he means Unix not eunuchs. And I already know Unix." The Boss says, "If the company nurse drops by, tell her I said 'never mind.'"
The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I found a seminar that will teach fire-walking as a way to build confidence." The Boss continues, "Each of you will have to walk barefoot over burning coals while I watch!" Dilbert asks, "But amazingly, we learn how to do it without injury, right?" The Boss replies, "No, that seminar costs a lot more."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Matt is fresh out of engineering school. You'll be his mentor." The Boss continues, "Whatever you do, don't crush his spirit before Wednesday." Dilbert asks, "Why put it off so long?" The Boss replies, "Because I bet ten bucks we could string him along until Thursday."