Camera Advice Comic Strips - Page 18

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251 Results for Camera Advice

View 171 - 180 results for camera advice comic strips. Discover the best "Camera Advice" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #introduction, #consultant, #stupidity, #Advice, #confused, #questioning, #business

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The boss says, "I hired my unemployed golf buddy to consult." Dilbert says, "What are his qualifications?" The boss says, "He has two qualifications: He's unemployed and he's a golf buddy." Man says, "I recommend firing the whistleblower and playing nine before it gets dark."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employee, #introduction, #greeting, #Advice, #scared, #regretting, #ridiculous

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The Boss says, "Welcome to your first day on the job." The boss says, "Always lock your desk at night because many of your coworkers are crooks." The boss says, "And the ones that have eyes like this got hired before we did drug testing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analysis, #idea, #suggestion, #complaining, #Advice, #greed, #science

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Dilbert says, "According to my analysis, all future ideas are already covered by over-general patents." Dilbert says, "Our best strategy is to get out of this business and become trademark infringement lawyers." The boss says, "I don't know how to be a lawyer." Catbert says, "That only matters if you take cases on a contingency basis."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #problems, #solution, #misunderstanding, #ignoring, #confused, #stupidity

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Dilbert says, "You're paying contractors to do work that I could do if I weren't always in unproductive meetings." Dilbert says, "You could hire temps to attend the unproductive meetings for me, and fire the more expensive contractors." Dilbert says, "Why don't I understand what you just said?" Dilbert says, "Because it made sense?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #computer, #Advice, #fire, #pain, #angry, #unexpected, #technology

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Carol says, "Now what do I do?" Dilbert says ,"Click some buttons and see what happens. You can't hurt anything." Click Fzzeet! Dilbert says, "In my defense, that hardly ever happens."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #plan, #inefficiency, #ridicule, #Advice

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the Boss says, "Asok, I'm putting you in charge of pandemic contingency planning." The Boss says, "Calculate the impact on our business if 50% of our employees are unable to be productive." Asok says, "That's twice as good as we're doing now." The Boss says, "Just make some slides that say it would be bad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #really show, #camera, #capture failures, #humiliations, #dull act of insignificance, #fill void, #fathering children, #being famous

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Dogbert says, "I decided to produce a reality show about your life." Dilbert says, "What?" Dogbert says, "The cameras will follow you around and capture all of your failures and humiliations." Dilbert says, "Why would I agree to that?" Dogbert says, "Because you suffer from the dull ache of insignificance." Dogbert says, "You can only fill the horrible void in your soul by fathering children or being famous." Dilbert says, "Maybe I prefer to have children." Dogbert says, "And maybe you prefer to flap your ears and fly to Mars." Dogbert says, "Do you see where I'm going with this?" BOP A cameraman says, "Sorry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #buzzing of flies, #channel irrational impulse, #coffe machine broken, #confusion, #ignoring, #intern, #nervousness, #talking, #thirst for coffeee, #vp of engineering

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Asok thinks, "It's our vice president of engineering." Asok says, "Hello. I am Asok the intern, may I tell you about an idea I have?" Wally says, "Vice presidents can't hear us, Asok. To them, our voices sound like the faint buzzing of flies." Wally says, "If you want to give him your idea you have to do it indirectly." Wally says, "Tell someone who knows someone, who know's someone else, who knows the vice president." Wally says, "Or do what I do and channel your irrational impulse to be useful into an unquenchable thirst for coffee." Asok says, "So...What are you helping me?" Wally says, "The coffee machine is broken."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walking, #complaining, #cruel, #mean, #mother, #son, #Family, #Sports

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Dilmom Dilmom says, "How's work, Dilbert?" Dilbert says, "I'm doing the job of three people and my pay has been cut 20%" Dilbert says, "My investments are worthless and my odds of finding a suitable mate are nearing zero." Dilbert says, "My life has no meaning, no joy and no hope." Dilbert says, "Do you have any motherly advice?" Dilmom says, "Shake it off, you big wuss." Dilmom says, "And you can pass that wisdom to the grandchildren you won't be having." Dilbert says, "You're not good at this." Dilmom says, "Eat broccoli. Whatever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #idea, #deception, #lying, #unethical, #business

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Dogbert says, "We're going into the executive recruiting business." Dilbert says, "But the economy is so weak that there aren't any job openings." Dogbert says, "That's why we're also going into the executive coaching business." Dogbert says, "We'll give our clients bad advice, and get them fired." Dogbert says, "Then our recruiting division will offer to fill those jobs." Dogbert says, "Wally, you'll be our executive coach." Wally says, "Your receptionist is cute have you considered stalking her?" Man says, "Um...a little." Wally says, "You can borrow my binoculars."