Job Skills Comic Strips - Page 18
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Dilbert is standing in front of Carol the Secretary's desk. She says to him, "My son is flunking all his classes. I'm hoping he can get a job involving computers." Dilbert asks, "Carrying them?" Back home, at the end of the day, Dilbert confesses to Dogbert, "People don't like it when you fill in the blanks in their stories."
Catbert, standing on a table, says to Ted, "Ted, your thirty-day dance of death begins today." Shaking a bottle of spray-paint, Catbert says, "You must find a new job within the company during that time." As Catbert spray-paints the letter 'L' on Ted's chest, Ted says, "Is the spray-paint absolutely necessary?" Catbert says, "That's an 'L'."
Dilbert is staring at his computer screen. Ted has the letter 'O' painted on his chest. Ted says to Dilbert, "I need a new job within the company before the window shuts." Ted says, "Catbert is already up to 'O.' Next week he gets an 'S'." Dilbert asks, "What's he spelling?" Ted says to Dilbert, "He wouldn't say, but it starts with an 'L'."
Ted, who has the letter 'E' painted on his chest, says to The Boss, "Catbert says I have to get a new job within the company." Ted says, "Could you find it within your heart..." The Boss, reaching for a heart on his desk, says, "I'll check." Ted watches as The Boss looks at the heart. The Boss says, "Nope. No jobs in there."
Wally sits in the Boss' office. The Boss says, "Wally, you haven't done any actual work in years, and yet we continue to pay you." Wally says, "Have I said thanks?" The Boss replies, "I'd fire you, but your performance reviews are all 'excellents." The Boss continues, "So, my plan is to make your job a living hell until you quit." Wally raises his fist and says, "You'll never win! My standards are lower than you can imagine!" The Boss says, "I'll start by moving you to a smaller cubicle." Wally crosses his arms and says, "Is that the best you got? Ha! Ha! Ha!" Wally is in a bathroom stall on the phone. He says, "Mom, guess who got an office with a door!"
Caption reads: "Catbert the Director of Human Resources." Catbert stands on the table in front of a prospective applicant. He says, "So, you want a job here, Tubby?" The man replies, "It's 'Toby.'" Catbert looks at the sheet of paper in his hand and asks, "Did you just correct me?" The man says, "Um..." Catbert turns and shouts at the man, "I alone will determine your name!!" Catbert looks at him and asks, "Now, what is your name?" The man answers, "Tubby." Catbert reads the paper and says, "Tubby, is it true that you're so dumb that you..." Catbert holds out the paper and continues, "...Sent your resume to the human resources department?" The man looks frightened as Catbert continues, "Do you think that's what this department does? Let me show you what I do." The man is seen walking down the hall, his clothes torn into shreds and looking beaten up. The man says, "I think I just became an entrepreneur."
Dilbert asks Catbert, "Do you have any advice for my job interview?" Catbert says to Dilbert, "Try juggling the items on his desk. It will make you seem confident." The interviewer has been knocked senseless in his desk chair. Dilbert, holding various desk items in his hands, says, "Sorry."
The boss approaches Dilbert and says, "I downsized Ted and outsourced his important job functions." The boss continues, "I'd like you to do all of his unimportant job functions." Dilbert asks, "Why do we do unimportant things?" The boss says, "Because we can!"
A woman asks Dilbert, "Do you have a good job?" Dilbert says, "It depends on what you mean by good." Dilbert continues, "If you consider the decline of my stock options, I work sixty hours a week for nothing." The woman says, "Hey, look at the time." Dilbert says, "My boss thinks I work eighty hours. Hee hee!"