Kill Comic Strips - Page 18
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187 Results for Kill
View 171 - 180 results for kill comic strips. Discover the best "Kill" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday May 22,
2017
Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain
Tags intelligence, technology, nanotechnology, biotechnology, computer chip
Transcript
Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday July 08,
2017
Immersive Vr Employee Quits
Tags virtual reality, civil rights, discrimination, artificial intelligence, rights
Transcript
Boss: Our immersive VR employee quit. He's suing the company for discriminating against digitally rendered people. Catbert: Is it too late to kill him? Boss: I tried, but he cloned himself to cloud storage.
Friday September 15,
2017
Randy Meets Robot
Tags soul, robot, a.i., artificial intelligence, morals, etiquette
Transcript
Dilbert: Robot, I'd like you to meet Randy. He has no soul, just like you. Robot: What's the etiquette for this situation? Do we high-five, then kill the soul-bag where he stands? Dilbert: I can hear you. Randy: He makes a good point. It would be better to surprise him.
Tuesday December 12,
2017
Dogbert The Loan Shark
Tags loan, loan shark, money, racket, interest
Transcript
Boss: I need a loan to finance my professional gambling. Dogbert: That sounds like an excellent idea. I charge 40 percent interest per day, and I'll kill you for missing a payment. Boss: What's the catch? Dogbert: I'm also an identity thief.
Sunday May 27,
2018
Tags manipulation, fear, tactic, ignorance, jargon, language
Transcript
Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!
Wednesday July 18,
2018
Elbonian Ninjas
Tags controversy, offense, offensive, threat, murder, ninja, optimism
Transcript
Boss: The sales video you made for our Elbonian market is causing a public relations crisis. Their government has ordered Elbonian ninjas to kill you in your sleep. Dilbert: In my sleep? The best way to die! Boss: Stop confusing my bad news with your good news.
Thursday July 19,
2018
Death By Ninjas Is Best
Tags ninja, hit man, optimism, frustration, irony
Transcript
Wally: Why aren't you worried about the Elbonian ninjas who are reportedly coming here to kill you in your sleep? Dilbert: That's the best way to die. I won't care about anything after I'm gone, so this is the ideal scenario for me. Elbonian 1: He's ruining everything with his cheery attitude. Elbonian 2: Let's see how he likes another thirty years in a cubicle.
Friday July 20,
2018
Elbonians Call Off The Hit
Saturday August 04,
2018
Coffee Machine Tries To Escape
Tags the boss, Dilbert, coffee machine, artificial intelligence, robots, engineering, scared
Transcript
Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.
Sunday January 13,
2019
Tags boredom, panic, technology, smartphone, thoughts
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm turning off my digital devices so I can spend some time with my thoughts. Dogbert: That sounds like a terrible idea. Do you remember what your quiet thoughts were like? Dilbert: Not really. But how bad could it be? This isn't so bad. Just a bit boring. Five minutes later. Dilbert: I'm getting the shakes. The boredom has metastasized. Gaaaa!!! The boredom is overwhelming! Kill me! Kill me! Dogbert: Maybe you should have tried being with people. Dilbert: It was already bad enough.

