Low Standards Comic Strips - Page 18
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189 Results for Low Standards
View 171 - 180 results for low standards comic strips. Discover the best "Low Standards" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday September 28,
2015
Tags #watch, #technology, #signal, #symbol, #time, #punctual, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #outdated, #change
Transcript
Alice: I used to enjoy pointing to my watch and mocking people for being late. But it isn't as fun as it used to be. Dilbert: Is your step count low again?
Monday May 23,
2016
Self Empowered Week
Tags #honesty, #aspirations, #work ethic, #standards, #guest artist, #jake tapper
Transcript
CEO: I want all of you to be creative, self-empowered, and accountable. Wally: If I could do any of that stuff, why would I work here? I just find the whole thing confusing.
Saturday October 15,
2016
Blame Rolls Downhill
Tags #blame, #responsibility, #management
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO blamed the Sales department for our low revenue. Sales blamed Marketing and Marketing blamed Engineering. Guess why I'm here. Dilbert: To shield me from unfair accusations?
Wednesday October 26,
2016
Sales Is Blaming Marketing
Tags #sales, #responsibility, #blame, #business
Transcript
Boss: Our salespeople are blaming Marketing for the low demand. Marketing is blaming Engineering for making a product no one wants. So I blamed our customers for misleading us about their needs. Asok: Now I don't feel so bad about our price-gouging.
Thursday April 13,
2017
Wally Moves Into Bathroom Stall
Friday September 08,
2017
Robots In Management
Tags #managers, #loopholes, #robot, #automation, #murder, #killing, #productivity
Transcript
Boss: Our experiment with robots in management has been a success. Productivity is way up since they started killing the low-performing humans. CEO: But... that's murder. Boss: Only when humans do it. We found a loophole.
Sunday February 04,
2018
Tags #my value, #new assignments, #projects, #slow walker, #rivals in management
Transcript
The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker. Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails. The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful. All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy. Wally: Its about time you recognized my value. Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life. The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments. You're supposed to be here two hours ago. Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?
Sunday March 04,
2018
Tags #add code, #corporate scamming, #darkest day, #designed new prodcut, #draft apology, #engineering success, #make unrelaible, #no upgarde, #press release, #ten years
Transcript
Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.
Monday June 04,
2018
Signal To Noise Ratio
Tags #compliments, #backhanded compliment, #criticism, #engineers
Transcript
Boss: What did you think of my presentation? Dilbert: The signal-to-noise ratio was impressively low. Boss: Engineers give weird compliments.
Tuesday June 05,
2018
Boiling An Ocean
Tags #compliment, #backhanded compliment, #insult, #obliviousness
Transcript
Dilbert: I told our boss his presentation had a low signal-to-noise ratio and he thought it was a compliment. Wally: I think you just invented my new favorite game. Working for you is like boiling an ocean. Boss: Thank you!