Common Stock Comic Strips - Page 19

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226 Results for Common Stock

View 181 - 190 results for common stock comic strips. Discover the best "Common Stock" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bankrupt, #company, #sing along, #weasel dance, #business

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Dilbert is sitting on the couch reading a book. Dogbert approaches and says, "I sold my stock and made billions before driving my company into bankruptcy." Dogbert dances and says, "Now I do the Weasel Dance." Hoo-ah! Yee-ha! Woo- woo-woo!" Dogbert stops and asks, "Would it kill you to clap and sing along?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doctor dogbert show, #big woman, #little man, #tv show, #freak show, #man, #hot dog bun, #doll like husband, #interview, #tv camera

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Doctor Dogbert Show Dogbert: Today we'll meet a couple who have a common problem. Big woman: I make him sleep in a gigantic hot dog bun. Dogbert: Can I see it? Man: No... please big woman: And the problem is that he snores.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cure for cold, #side effects, #coughing, #store throat, #runny nose, #congestion, #nausea

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"I invented a cure for the common cold." "The possible side-effects are coughing, sore throat, runny nose, congestion and nausea." "So...it's a pill that makes you nauseous?" "Only if you have a cold."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Vijay, the world's most desperate venture capitalist "I need a hundred billion to build an ocean city on barges." "Take my money!!! Take it, take it, take it!" "Do I get stock or something?" "How about an insincere wag?" Insincere wag! $ $

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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My new strategy is to hire passionate people instead of smart ones. "I curse the air conditioning system that blows such a cold wind!" "I can already feel our stock price going up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Dilbert, meet Albert. He's old, but I like to call him experienced." "I'm trying to win an award for being one of the best places to work if you have one foot in the grave." "I'm only 54. I ran a marathon yesterday." "I asked the cafeteria to stock up on food that's easy to gum."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #finances, #money, #obliviousness

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Financial Advisor Man: You've made a lot of money as a demotivational speaker. I recommend allocating 2% of it to me, and 98% to things that sound good if you don't look into them too closely. How about a managed stock fund with high churn and a big front-end load? Wally: Sounds good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rich people, #stock market, #victims, #insider training, #victimless crime, #rose bushes, #gardner, #money

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CEO: I did some insider trading and totally got away with it. It felt great! It was a victimless crime so I feel no guilt whatsoever. Dogbert: Do you know what victimless means? CEO: Yes. It's like the time I strangled my gardener for overwatering the rose bushes. Dogbert: I see the problem.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #money, #raise, #higher pay, #income higher, #boss salary, #intuition, #business

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Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #marketing plan, #consumers, #research is stupid, #opposed to science, #rational thinking, #manifestaions, #pendantic, #semantics, #stopped talking

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Boss: ... and that's our marketing plan for the coming year. Dilbert: Research shows that consumers reject this sort of approach. Boss: Research is stupid. Dilbert: Are you saying the studies on this particular topic are flawed? Or are you just generally opposed to science, rational thinking, and all manifestations of common sense. Boss: Stop being pedantic with your semantics. Catbert: Did you get buy-in? Boss: Yes, in the sense that they stopped talking.