Customer Data Comic Strips - Page 19

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400 Results for Customer Data

View 181 - 190 results for customer data comic strips. Discover the best "Customer Data" comics from Dilbert.com.

Government Wants Access To Data

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Government Wants Access To Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags national security, privacy, technology, big business, terrorism

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CEO: The government wants us to make software that can unlock the encrypted data of our users. Either we choose privacy or national security. Should we betray our customers or should we enable terrorists? Figure out which one is more profitable and get back to me. Boss: On it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer service, loyalty program, survey, frustration

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Man: Would you like to sign up for our customer loyalty program? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Man: If you don't we'll overcharge you on your purchases. But if you sign up, we will add a new level of complexity to your life that will make you hate us. Dilbert: I'll stick with the customer disloyalty program. Just overcharge me and I'll never come back. Man: You can get ten percent off your purchase today if you fill out an online customer survey and enter our store code. Dilbert: Please just overcharge me and let me leave! Man: I almost hesitate to ask which extended warranty option you want.

Ideal Customer

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Ideal Customer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags market research, sham, yes-man, demographics

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Dogbert: My research shows that your ideal customer is a male Olympic athlete between the ages of 120 and 145. And just to be safe, you want that guy to not have a Yelp account. Boss: How many people are in that group? Dogbert: None, but my research will help you double that.

Changing Company Name

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Changing Company Name - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hacker, hacking, privacy, facebook, retaliation, data, breach

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Boss: Our customers are complaining because we let hackers get their personal data. So we've decided to change the name of the company and wear disguises until it all blows over. Take a mustache from the bag and pass it around.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, google, data center, software, fix, agile

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Dilbert: I put together a plan for our data center project. The Boss: We don't need a plan we're an agile company. It's better to move fast and fix our mistakes as we go. Dilbert: You're thinking of software. Where the cost of mistakes is low, this is a construction project. The Boss: That data center will be full of software, will it not? Dilbert: Yes, but... The Boss: Don't be afraid of change. Dilbert: What if I rapidly make a plan and tell you I didn't? Is that agile enough for you? The Boss: I'll need to google that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags data, Dilbert, internet, jerry, tweet, weasel

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Jerry: Omg! You are soooo wrong! I literally cannot believe you are this gullible. Hahahahaha! Hahahaha! I can't wait to tweet about your stupidity. Your dumbness will live forever on the internet! Dilbert: You probably haven't seen the new data that proves I'm right. Will you apologize like a decent human being or will you move the goalposts claim victory. And trash my name like a demented weasel? Jerry: Can you tell me more about the weasel option?

Hiring Paul The Criminal

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Hiring Paul The Criminal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, job, market, competitive, ex-cons, work, criminals, caught, paul, data center, copper, wire

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The Boss: The job market is so competitive that we can't even find ex-cons who want to work here. So we're hiring active criminals who haven't yet been caught. The Boss: Say hello to Paul. Paul: I hear our data center has a a lot of copper wire.

When Will Ted By Done

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When Will Ted By Done - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, test, data, ted, working, done, range

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The Boss: When will I get the test data? Dilbert: I don't know Ted is working on that. The Boss: When do you think he will be done? Dilbert: I know. I'm not Ted. The Boss: Just give me a range. Dilbert: Between one day and seven-hundred years.

Gut Feeling

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Gut Feeling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, tests, data, instinct

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Dilbert: Why are we going ahead with the plan when the data says it can't succeed? Boss: I manage by instinct and gut feelings. Dilbert: How's that different from being insane or stupid? Boss: My gut says I should not listen to you.

Manipulation Via Dopamine

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Manipulation Via Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer, lotalty, science, new, manipulate, addictions, mockery, free will, evil, extreme

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Boss: We've moved past the old notation of customer loyalty. Now we use science to manipulate dopamine and create addictions that make a mockery of free will. Dilbert: That sounds like the epitome of evil. Boss: We call it "extreme marketing."