Mental Problems Comic Strips - Page 19
229 Results for Mental Problems
View 181 - 190 results for mental problems comic strips. Discover the best "Mental Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share August 17, 2003's comic on:
Dogbert Consults. DOgbert: "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." The Boss: "What's the other strategy?" Dogbert: "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" The Boss: "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" Dogbert: "They're paid by the hour." The Boss: "QUIVER!!"
Share December 28, 2003's comic on:
The Boss: "I hired my wife to be our new receptionist." Boss: "I foresee no problems whatsoever." Wife: "Hey, Dipweed!" "Go buy me a bagel and a cappuccino." "Then wash my car and fill the gas tank." "NOW DANCE FOR ME, LITTLE MAN! HA HA! DANCE OR I'LL HAVE YOU FIRED!!!" "How may I help you? Have a nice day!" The boss: "Stop dancing in the lobby. My wife is trying to work."
Share May 12, 2013's comic on:
Boss: I'm looking for an employee who is creative. Interviewee: That's me. I have ADHD and dylsexia. I'm also bipolar and schizophrenic. Dilbert: Checking the Internet... Well... that's surprising. Each of his conditions is highly correlated with creativity. Interviewee: Are you a normal? Boss: I... think so. Interviewee: Wow. I feel sorry for you. It must be hard going through life without any creativity. Boss: What's happening here? Dilbert: It might be some sort of creative thing.
Share August 18, 2013's comic on:
Boss: Wally, this is my brother, Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light. I asked him to interpret your accomplishments for this quarter. Phil You have 25 alleged accomplishments. Eight of these accomplishments involved simply being on a project team that did something. Nine accomplishments involved fixing problems you created. Five of these are just buzzwords that don't mean anything. And three are duplicates that you reworded to appear different. I'd recommend harvesting his organs, but those probably don't work either. Wally: That's just mean.
Share August 30, 2013's comic on:
Robot: You keep giving me trivial assignments that make me doubt my self-worth. Boss: Chill out. You don't hear the microwave whining all day long. Robot: He doesn't know that the machine word for "Please kill me is 'Beep.'" Microwave: Beep.
Share September 25, 2013's comic on:
Executive Coaching Dogbert; Research shows that CEOs are more likely to be psychopaths. Obviously, being a psychopath works. Don't let anyone tell you different. How's your grandiose sense of self-worth? CEO: It's the best. I should kill you for asking.
Share September 27, 2013's comic on:
Woman: My therapist says I have low self-esteem. Dilbert: I like where this is heading. Woman: I'm drawn to guys who treat me poorly. Dilbert: You sound crazy. Woman: Jerk. Dilbert: In my defense, you send mixed signals.
Share December 24, 2013's comic on:
Boss: I traced all of our problems back to your lack of creativity. You should be creating ideas that change the course of civilization, but instead, you sit there like a lump. Dilbert: I'm sending you a link that describes fun ways to choke yourself.
Share April 03, 2014's comic on:
Share April 22, 2014's comic on:
Dilbert: I need an exception to the travel budget freeze so I can fix an important customer's technical problem. Boss: No, because arbitrary financial targets are more important than satisfying customers. Wait... why does that sound bad when I say it out lout? Dilbert: If it makes you feel better, I wasn't listening.