Useless Coworker Comic Strips - Page 19

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View 181 - 190 results for useless coworker comic strips. Discover the best "Useless Coworker" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coworker, #request, #people, #project, #generic advice, #sitting at desk, #tail wagging, #hate, #angry, #replace, #inspire

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Dogbert the Generic Manager Man says, "We need more people on the project." Dogbert says, "Figure it out. Work smarter not harder. Make a plan. Move some things around. Adjust priorities. Just get it done. Give me a status report." Man says, "That did nothing but make me hate you." Dogbert says, "I can replace you with someone who will pretend to be inspired."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #coworker, #software, #product, #sitting, #technical issue, #understand, #terms, #comprehension level, #human, #squirrel, #anvil, #awkward, #community college, #business, #engineering

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, explain to Logan the technical issue in terms he can understand." Dilbert says, "Sure. What's his comprehension level? Are we talking human, squirrel or anvil?" The Boss says, "Which one am I?" Dilbert says, "Don't make this awkward." The Boss says, "Did the squirrel go to a community college?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technical issue, #coworker, #sitting in chairs, #facing each other, #software, #yell, #condescend, #stupid, #dumb, #dense, #shout, #sitting on couch, #touchy, #engineering

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Dilbert says, "I've been asked to explain our technical issue in terms you can understand." Logan says, "Good." Dilbert says, "THE SOFTWARE, IT NO WORKY!!!" Dilbert says, "He was dense and touchy. It's a bad combination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #email, #document, #attachment, #attitude, #cross arms, #care about time, #pay stub, #smile, #psychology

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Dilbert says, "Did you review the document I emailed?" Coworker says, "I don't read attachments." Coworker says, "Attachments say you don't care enough about my time to summarize a document." Dilbert says, "I brought my pay stub to prove that my time is worth more than yours." Coworker says, "Well-played."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #project, #length, #add people, #months, #useless, #sit down, #business

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The Boss says, "How long will your project take if I add two people?" Dilbert says, "Add one month for training, one month for the extra complexity, and one month to deal with their drama." The Boss says, "But after all of that?" Dilbert says, "They'll be as useful as this meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #email, #laptop, #boring, #time suck hole, #yell, #thorough, #play music, #business

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Dilbert says, "I hope you don't mind if I do email during the boring parts of your meeting." Dilbert says, "I don't want to be dragged into your time suck hole." Coworker says, "You are kind of a time suck hole." Man 2 says, "I'm thorough!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #birthday cake, #coworker, #Scott, #spit, #candle, #sarcastic, #queen of england, #fancy

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Carol says, "We're having a birthday cake for Scott in the break room." Dilbert says, "No thanks. I prefer cake that isn't frosted with the spit of recent candle-blowing." Carol says, "Oooh, look at the Queen of England who likes her cake without spit. What's it like to be fancy?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #employee satisfaction, #chart, #point, #fire, #smart people, #stupid, #celebrate, #business

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The Boss says, "Employee satisfaction has doubled since last year!" The Boss says, "The credit goes to our new program of firing smart people." Alice says, "You're safe." Coworker says, "Yeff!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #favor, #excuse, #integration manager, #director of sustainability, #real, #matrix management, #neo

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Coworker says, "Wally, would you??" Wally says, "No. I'm doing something important for the brand integration manager." Coworker says, "Maybe after that you could?" Wally says, "Then I'm doing a rush job for the director of sustainability." Coworker says, "Are those even real people?" Wally says, "Welcome to Matrix management, Neo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #moron, #yell, #grab tie, #upset

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Dilbert says, "?And I'll need all of that by tomorrow." Coworker says, "No problem. I'll get right on it." Dilbert says, "This is a bad sign. If you were even a little bit competent you would be overloaded with work." Dilbert says, "Gaaa!!! I'm putting my trust in a moron!" Coworker says, "Wow. You got there fast."