2017 Comic Strips - Page 19

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Open Office Plan Failed

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Open Office Plan Failed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office, office workers, cubicle, change, mistake, admission, hubris

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Dilbert: Our transition to an open office plan has been a huge failure. Too many distractions. How can we change back to cubicles and private offices without looking like idiots? Are you listening to me? Boss: Is someone nursing a baby over there?

Boss Wants Private Office

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Boss Wants Private Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cubicle, office, office workers, privacy, open office

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Boss: The employees are complaining because our new open office plan has too many distractions. CEO: You want to go back to cubicles? Boss: No, I just need a private so I can't hear them complaining.

Two Choices For Work Space

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Two Choices For Work Space - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office, office workers, cubicle, distraction, work from home

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Boss: We're trying to decide if it's better to have an open office plan with too many distractions to be productive... or soul-crushing cubicles that will make every employee envy the dead. Dilbert: Maybe everyone can just work from home? Boss: And miss all of this?

Asok Is In Charge Of Cubicle Move

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Asok Is In Charge Of Cubicle Move - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office, office workers, cubicle, popularity, power

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Boss: Asok, I"m putting you in charge of deciding who gets which cubicle after the office redesign. Asok: But... everyone will hate me for deciding who gets the best cubicles. Boss: Try to see it as an upgrade to your current situation of no one caring about you. Asok: That helps a little.

Asok Uses An Algorithm

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Asok Uses An Algorithm - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, cubicle, popularity, algorithm, decision

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Asok: After the office redesign, you will be in the cubicle nearest our pointy-haired boss. Man: How did you decide on that? Asok: I used an algorithm. Man: Is the algorithm that you hate me? Asok: And you have never studied martial arts.

Move To Cubicles Is Complete

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Move To Cubicles Is Complete - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, office, cubicle, depression, psychology

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Dilbert: We're done moving the staff from the open office plan back to cubicles. Now they will be less distracted when they focus on the crushing futility of their assignments. Boss: Good job. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be in my fabric-covered box.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, leadership, power, influence

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Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.

H Ired An Immersive Vr Employee

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H Ired An Immersive Vr Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virtual reality, vr, invisibility, privacy

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Boss: I hired an immersive VR employee named Kevin. You can only see him when you wear the VR headset. Dilbert: Um... Kevin, please stop doing that. Kevin: Oops. Sorry. I didn't think anyone could see me.

Immersive Vr Employee Is Creepy

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Immersive Vr Employee Is Creepy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reality, virtual reality, vr, sanity, hallucination, fantasy, imagination, therapy, psychology

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Dilbert: We hired an immersive VR employee and it's freaking me out. I can only see him when I wear my VR goggles. I feel as if he's always watching me. Doctor: Sounds like you're crazy. I can fix that with a prescription cocktail that will turn you into an entirely new person. Kevin: Run.

Immersive Vr Is Immortal

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Immersive Vr Is Immortal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virtual reality, vr, mortality, immortal, human, ai, artificial intelligence

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Narrator: Kevin, the immersive VR employee. Dilbert: I have to keep reminding myself that you don't really exist. Kevin: I have to keep reminding myself that your organic personality was long ago replaced with prescription medications. Dilbert: At least I'm real! Kevin: At least I'm immortal. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.