2020 Comic Strips - Page 19

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Getting Opinions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Getting Opinions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, technology, input, dumb, human, universe, Opinion, strategy, worse

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: get ted's input before you finalize the plan. dilbert: ted is the dumbest human being in the known universe. his opinion can only make things worse. boss: that's how we do it here. dilbert: i didn't realize it was a strategy.

Input From Idiots

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Input From Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, sarcasm, technology, input, idiots, project, variety, dumb, informed, leadership

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: per your orders, i got input on my project from a variety of people who are dumber and less informed than i am. as you might imagine, the net effect was to make everything worse. boss: are you done? dilbert: i just want to thank you for all the leadership.

Credible Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Credible Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology, credible, data, problem, test, good

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: i finished the data throughput tests, but the results are not credible because of a problem with the test. boss: does the non-credible data make us look good? alice: yes. boss: our name for that kind of data is "credible."

Cooties In Elbonia

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cooties In Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cooties, deny, elbonia, managers & supervisors, outbreak, science, symptom, technology, news

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the news says there's a major outbreak of cooties in elbonia. dilbert: i don't think cooties is a real thing. boss: experts say one of the symptoms of cooties is "denying science."

Cooties Diagnosis

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cooties Diagnosis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags confirmed, cooties, diagnosis, doctor, medicine, Opinion, professional, skepticism, symptom, test

View Transcript

Transcript

doctor: in my professional opinion, you have a bad case of the cooties. we don't have any tests for cooties, but the main symptom is skepticism, and you have that. dilbert: cooties are not real. doctor: diagnosis confirmed.

Cooties Contact Tracing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cooties Contact Tracing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 2 weeks, contact, cooties, doctor, doctors' offices, infect, physical, tracing, Women, zero

View Transcript

Transcript

doctor: we need to do contact tracing to determine who else you might have infected with cooties. how may women have you had physical contact with in the past two weeks? dilbert: i'd rather not say. doctor: i'll put you down for zero.

Wally Sneezes His Mask

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Sneezes His Mask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags different, face, health, mask, office workers, pundits, sneeze

View Transcript

Transcript

wally sneezes and his mask flies out from his face and slaps him in the face and he falls out of his chair. wally: ah-choo!!!! slap! dilbert watching: the pundits were right- everything is different now.

Quarantine Before Date

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Quarantine Before Date  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags date, desperation, dinner, office workers, quarantine, technology, two weeks

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: would you like to go to dinner with me? women: only if you self-quarantine for two weeks first. dilbert: can do! women: well, it seems i underestimated your desperation.

Lack Of Social Contact

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lack Of Social Contact - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, pandemic, technology, social, contact, best, week, covid, cope

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally and Dilbert at coffee pot wearing face masks. dilbert: how did you cope with the loss of social contact during the pandemic? wally: best weeks of my life. how about you? dilbert: i didn't want to be the first to say it.

Manage With Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Manage With Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags analysis, business, data, face maks, leadership, manage, managers & supervisors, paralysis, technology, useable

View Transcript

Transcript

boss wearing face mask: we need to manage with data! dilbert wearing face mask: do we have any useful data? boss: not really. dilbert: so...actually we need to get data before we can use data. boss: we don't have time for your analysis paralysis! dilbert: i think you're taking both sides of the same argument. you insist on using data, but you don't want to wait for data. boss: it's called leadership. you wouldn't understand. dilbert: oh, i think i do. boss: stop being such a mask hole.