Business Failures/Bankruptcies Comic Strips - Page 19
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1000 Results for Business Failures/Bankruptcies
View 181 - 190 results for business failures/bankruptcies comic strips. Discover the best "Business Failures/Bankruptcies" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday November 03,
1997
Tags starting business, masseur, cubicle dwellers, touch my back, chair massage
Transcript
Dogbert sits on a ledge or table. Bob the dinosaur says, "I'm starting my own business as a masseur." He has a towel draped over his arm. Bob says, "My specialty will be in-office chair massages for cubicle dwellers." Wally sits at his desk in front of his computer and says, "Were you planning to touch my back at any point?" Bob massages Wally office chair and says, "It's a CHAIR massage, pervert."
Wednesday January 21,
1998
Tags sales force, retirement buyout, fifty dollars, meeting, boss, business
Transcript
At the staff meeting, The Boss says, "The sales force was offered a retirement buyout package of fifty dollars." He continues, "One hundred percent of the sales force elected to take the offer." The Boss says, "I wonder what they know that we don't know." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "There's a hole with no bottom."
Sunday February 01,
1998
Tags meeting, introductions, alice, breakdown, bad company, bad boss, freak out at meeting, business
Transcript
Lets start by introducing ourselves. Susan: Im susan black from I.T.G. I work for Emily Wooten. Max: Im Max Blumf. I work for Susan. Alice: Im Alice. I work for....uh...I... AAAGH!! IM filled with shame by association!!! WHY ME? WHY WHY WHY Please take me to your group! Im not tainted!!! The Boss: Can we start over? I forgot who the first three people are....
Friday February 06,
1998
Tags company, knows about wally, phone call logs, web hits, emails, urine test, college grades, salary, Family, business, money
Transcript
Catbert sits on Wally's desk holding some papers and says, "The company knows everything about you, Wally." Catbert looks in Wally's file and says, "We have logs of all you phone calls, web hits, and e-mail. We have your urine test, college grades, salary and family contacts..." Catbert says, "It's against our policy to kill employees and replace them with low paid impersonators, but I wanted you to know it's feasible."
Tuesday February 17,
1998
Tags Catbert, evil hr diretor, company's goal, double efficiency, downsize, marketing, good at math, business
Transcript
Catbert says, "The company's goal is to double the efficiency of all employees." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: If we double our efficiency, won't you downsize half of us?" Alice and Wally sit on either side of him. Catbert says, "Don't talk to anyone in marketing. They aren't so good at math."
Friday February 20,
1998
Tags dogbert the consultant, knowledge assets, unmistakable message, boss, consultant, business
Transcript
Dogbert is telling The Boss, "From now on, refer to your employees as 'knowledge assets.'" The Boss takes notes. Dogbert the Consultant is sitting on a couch and says, "That will send an unmistakable message." Dilbert comes home from work and says to Dogbert, "He calls us knowledge assets" now. He must think we're complete morons." Dogbert wags his tail and says, "It's an unmistakable message."
Saturday February 28,
1998
Tags pressure makes diamonds, garbage more compact, slogans, meeting, strong job market, engineers, irritation makes perals, pressure makes whine, business
Transcript
At the staff meeting, The Boss says, "Our new slogan is Pressure Makes Diamonds." Wally sits to one side. Wally says,"How about Pressure Makes Garbage More Compact? I wonder if that one is taken." Dilbert looks on as The Boss frowns. The Boss walks out followed by Wally, who says, "Irritation Makes Pearls. Or maybe Pressure Makes Whine." The Boss thinks, "I hate this strong job market for engineers."
Thursday March 05,
1998
Tags chaos theory, management, name for it, meeting, confused, business
Transcript
At the staff meeting, The Boss says, "From now on I'll be using the chaos theory of management." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice all have question marks over their heads and are confused. Wally says, "And this will be different how?" The Boss says, "Now there's a name for it."
Friday March 13,
1998
Tags hideous treatment, employees, elbnina factory, forced to wear clamps, no union, business
Transcript
Alice hold a folder and says, "Here's my report on the hideous treatment of employees in our Elbonian factory." The Boss sits at his desk. Alice holds her hands up to her head and says, "The employees are forced to wear huge clamps on their heads." The Boss looks at the report. At the lunch table in the employee cafeteria, Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit with trays of food and large clamps on their heads. Alice says, "Then I said, 'The employees can't complain because they have no union." Wally says "Swift," and he and Dilbert frown.
Saturday March 28,
1998
Tags underfunded porject, resources, intern, sponge bath, water fountain, employees, budget diffrences, business
Transcript
Rag Man thinks, "I hate being on an underfunded project." Alice walks by with some guy. Rag Man asks, "Can you spare some resources, lady? How about that intern? Are you using him?" Rag Man shows intern, "First you have to learn how to give yourself a sponge bath at the water fountain."


